ive gone

[Lioness]

Ohhhh well… this weekend I made the move, I have left him, it was all weirdly very calm. He is still in the house that I am paying everything on, but I am just so relieved that I am gone. I have my daughter and my dogs. I am not really sure what happens now, I had a wobble on Sunday and cried and panicked but I feel a bit better today. Ss are coming out to see me later this week. At the moment he seems to be calm. He text a few times last night to say he missed our daughter, I didn’t react as it was late and I knew he has been drinking. I just need to keep strong and not fall for it again. I think deep down he thinks I will be back, but once he knows its definatly over I think he will turn. Just not sure what to do re the house, I cant stay where I am for too long really ..hoping ss will put me in the right direction x

[AppleNinja]

Hi Lioness,

Well done for doing it!

Are you staying in the refuge? I’m sure you will get help regarding your house and all the legal stuff.

How are you feeling now? Hope it isn’t too crazy.

I suspect that while he believes you might come back, he’ll be nice – these people think they’re so awesome, such a gift to women, that they think we can’t live without them. But once he realizes you meant it, he might well become quite nasty. I would suggest you cease any contact with him, at least for now.

Good luck!

AppleNinja

[KIP.]

Well done. Get some legal advice. Phone rights for women. Or speak to a family solicitor. Most offer free advice. He’s not going to go anywhere unless he is made to X

[Lioness]

Thank you so much, I am staying with my mum at the mo, the only help I am getting is social services appointment (detail removed by Moderator). I picked up our daughter after work from him and he wanted the dogs back(for company) I said no. It didn’t go down very well. He genuinely thinks we will weaken me and make me go back. He’s been texting me tonight but I haven’t responded to him. I know what he is like x

[EeyoreNoMore]

Wow Lioness, well done! Every woman who makes the break in turn somehow gives me a feeling of positivity! Thank you!

Am so glad you are out, welcome to your first Monday of freedom, may there be many more xx

[Lioness]

Thank you, it’s a wobbly ride. When he doesn’t contact me I feel fine, then I see a missed call or a text and my anxiety kicks in straight away. Think the next step is solicitors, that’s just as scary! X

[KIP.]

Please contact your local women’s aid. They can give great advice and support. Recommend a solicitor who has experience of dealing with abusers. Decent men would move out and leave you and your daughter in the house. He is going nowhere. My ex did this. They see the house, children and pets as their way to control you. My ex used to kick punch and throw my dog as a form of control. Why are you paying all the bills? Is the house in your name? If it is, you can have him removed. Can you block his number or buy a cheap phone just for his calls. Change your number for everyone else. Then you can just switch it off for peace. Your goal should be no contact. Would your mum act as a buffer? A third party he can email or text and she can pass messages between you. Keep this in mind if this get out of hand. Keep all texts and emails as evidence.

[Suntree]

Please do go as KIP says to Women’s Aid and go to a solicitor.
What do you want from the SS meeting, have a think, have you met them before or is this the first time? Are your expectations in line with what SS want?

[Lioness]

Thank you so much for your advice, I am going to call womens aid today. Ss called me this morning as I told them I had moved out. she seemed to be confused as to why I have moved out. And told me that after her meeting with him he is getting help for his drinking and mental health.. Well I hope he does! I have tried my best with him and he had a stint in rehab (detail removed by Moderator) yet we are back to square one. They are involved with us as he has been caught with (detail removed by Moderator) and the police have contacted ss as a child is involved. They want to speak to me on my own, I have never spoken to them before. I just feel really uneasy about it. Unfortunately it is a joint mortgage, but he hasn’t worked for over (detail removed by Moderator) now, so I am working and paying everything. He is blacklisted now as he has debts he cannot meet repayments for. He gets his benefit money and that is what buys him his drink. My mum possibly would be a buffer, but she hasn’t spoken to him for the last (detail removed by Moderator) after he squared up to her and caused me all this harassment. I think I will get a new number, I will see what wa say, will have to call them from work as he can view my itemised bills online. So yeah a new contract is a good idea. Thank you so much, feeling scared but I know I can do this x

[Confused123]

HI HUn

GO easy on yourself first few days, make sure u get legal advice to where u stand, specially in terms of the house, if u r paying for everything u need to see how u can get him reemoved and u stay there or how u stop paying and set yourself up

[Lisa]

Hi Lioness,

Well done for taking the huge step to leave and for being so strong. It can be an emotional rollercoaster dealing with the aftermath of an abusive relationship, it is important to give yourself time and to surround yourself with as much support as possible. Did you manage to speak to Women’s Aid?

Keep posting to us, there will always be support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[abcxyz]

Just to say a HUGE well done …. it’s a rocky road and there are tricky days but you have done the right thing 100% xxxx

[Positiveandlookingahead]

Well done!! You are a true lioness! So proud of you. Keep posting get all the knowledge you require and remember we are always here. I’m raising a toast to you and your family! Here’s to the rest of your life! Yes YOURS! Xxxx

[Indiamalachite]

Well done! Stay strong and keep posting. I would block his number and then you don’t have to worry about what he’s trying to do to get you back. In terms of him getting help – that’s not your responsibility to worry about and so you should not have to consider this. Your only priority is being safe and rebuilding your life with your child, it’s a form of victim blaming really mentioning what help he needs, that is something they can discuss with him but not something you should have to worry about when you have enough on your plate. Definitely get some legal advice, I called the helpline and they arranged for a consultation with a solicitor which was very helpful. Take care of yourself xx

[Lioness]

Thank you so much for all your support, it’s been a blur the last few days. I’m
Struggling, my daughter says she misses home and misses daddy and doesn’t want to be at nannas for Xmas It’s breaking my heart, she seems all mixed up and I feel like it’s my fault. I’ve tried to explain to her the reasons why we are at nannas but she was beside herself. I just feel very low today and not sleeping isn’t helping. I haven’t rung WA yet but I am going to this morning.ss have referred me to a domestic violence support group and said that he needs to move out of the family home. I don’t think I can get through the day of I don’t speak to someone, feel like I’m going to breakdown, I’ve cried this morning. Feel like I have to fight for everything in my life. Just feeling very low today xx

[lilaclady]

Stay strong Lioness you have done so amazingly well! I hope you have lots of support around you definitely ring womens aid they will help. Please speak to someone. Keep posting on here if that helps and remember you have done the hardest thing, you have managed the biggest and most scary step and YOU’VE DONE IT. None of this is your fault. I do hope you’re ok x*x

[EeyoreNoMore]

Hey Lioness, I just wanted to say that we are all here with you.

It’s totally normal for the children to be confused – mine seems to miss daddy more every day and it is heartbreaking BUT what you have done is absolutely the right thing.

You have saved yourself from the abuse which is huge. You have saved your daughter from abuse (either directly or indirectly). You are a strong woman protecting her family.

The short term hurts like hell and you’re absolutely doing the right thing reaching for help. The future will be better than the past. x*x

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

U doing ever so well, kids do feel mixed emotion bnut she will settle and who knows by xmas she may feel different, the first xmas my son said same to me, but last minute he changed his mind, on xmas day he did cry when his dad called, but it doesnt matter as they are accepting what happend. Call the womens aid helpline the support will help emmancely

[lover of no contact]

So, so well done lioness. You have done one of the hardest things that can be done and that is to leave the abusive relationship. Yes lean on your supports so you can stay strong. When something is not right in my children’s life I crumble. Your daughter is grieving for the plan A life with the abuser. None of us like change and we panic. She will get used to Plan B which is living day to day without an abuser. Let her tears come out. Change is a different best. Both options involve pain for your daughter if she goes back to living with her abuser dad, she will be in emotional pain. If she stays away as she is doing now, the pain will be there as she grieves for what was and how she thought life would pan out but eventually that pain will lift. Its good her tears and feelings are being expressed. Unfortunately I can’t make life pain-free for my children, but supporting her through it will make all the difference. Keep posting and we will support you and you then will be strong enough to support her.

You are doing great. The early days after leaving an abuser are so tough but it really does get easier. Hang on in there and don’t go back.

[Lioness]

Thank you so much, your support has lifted me, i have called WA today (finally) and spoke to a lovely lady, she is arranging for someone to get in touch with me. I just want to cry and I feel mixed emotions my head is spinning and I feel so tired. I think if I had my own place it would be easier, my daughter could have a bed to herself. my mum has been brilliant so far, but she isn’t well and it taking its toll in her too. I just feel awful. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day. Thank you all so much I wouldn’t be able to do it without you all xx

[Lioness]

Hi everyone, hope everyone is keeping strong, its been a quiet week for me, I am still at my mums and he is still at the home, I have had contact with womens aid and they have organised a meeting with a solicitor and applying for an occupation order for him to move out. I am feeling nervous and I don’t know what to expect with this, he is very clever and if I have to self represent myself I feel like he will crush me in court. I feel really uneasy can anyone advise me?, I have a while until my appointment and all sorts of thoughts have now entered my head. xx

[Ayanna]

Do not fear him.
You know what he has done to you and why you left.
You have enough reasons for an occupation order.
Go through all the legal bits with the lawyer at Women’s Aid.
You can represent yourself.
You know everything that happened. What he did was against the law. You need your safety and your own place. You pay for that place. You are entitled to live there with your daughter and he must leave.
Let him be clever. You are more clever and you just do what is right.

[EeyoreNoMore]

Women’s Aid are great aren’t they!

Just keep writing down as many things as possible; all the things he said and did and the way it made you feel.

Ask the solicitor if they think you need a non molestation order too, to keep you physically safe.

Glad things are settling down a bit for you, you’re doing great xx

[Lightness]

Well done Lioness, you’ve done an amazing job xx

[Thegirlonfire]

Well done!

You are doing amazing.

It is confusing for little ones but your daughter will thank you later on

You can do this now! You have the power!

[Lioness]

Hi Everyone
I haven’t been on here in a while as I am still at my mums with limited wifi, but thought I would let you all know how things are. At the mo he is not allowed any contact with me or our daughter due to ss thinking his intention was to kill me over xmas. So ive had the police out to see me and had regular contact with WA support, its been scary, but I am ok. He has stayed away and I am better without the contact and am focusing on hopefully selling the house and moving on.. im sure there will be obsticles yet to come and I have to arrange supervised visits for him and our daughter along side ss, I am still up and down and it isn’t easy but I am feeling a bit more positive and starting to sleep better. I want to thank everyone on here for your support when I had nowhere else to turn, you kept me going and focused on what I needed to do. Thank you so much xx

[Confused123]

Nice to hear from, glad to hear u ok

[Anonymous]

Hi, well done you!! 🙂
To combat the calls and text have you considered blocking his number and changing yours so that his only way of contact about your daughter is through email. Id simply say. Please only contact me regarding our daughter via email. Anything else will be ignored. Ofcourse he may ignore your request to not email about other things. However, you will be in control and you won’t have to reply as he will never know if you have read it or not.

Wishing you all the best. X

[lilaclady]

Well done Lioness…it is good to hear this when I am just about to get out. So glad you are feeling positive and getting more sleep thats so important. Look after yourself x*x

[Anonymous]

Also can you apply for a non molestation order ontop of your housing one. Solicitors can represent you without you being present if you do not feel safe being at court.

[Author]

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