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That’s today. I’m meeting my dad for a coffee too. So I can secure and cement some plans.
I had a chat with the girls at work. They think I need to tell my wife when I go, even if it’s just as I leave after packing the car. Otherwise she’ll be blindsighted and will blame me more as it’ll have come out of the blue.
This sort of makes sense but freaks me out a bit. She’s not at risk of physically harming me. I do worry about any stuff I’ll need to leave behind but I suppose that’s to be expected. I don’t own that much stuff that’s just mine!
I’ve an assessment today as well for a neurodivergent issue too, so that’s a lot, right?
Every time I cuddle my dog I cry. He’s such a good boy and I’m so sad to leave him. But I’m so unhappy at home and know I don’t deserve to be treated the way I am.
As with most of these relationships, there are lovely times. But she’ll change so quickly and just make a passive aggressive comment about something I’ve done or not done or done ‘incorrectly’. I was a lot more confident before the abuse started.
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Hi RubberDuckster,
I sounds like maybe your colleagues don’t fully understand the abusive dynamics in your relationship and the need to keep yourself safe while leaving. They are basing their advice on what you might do at the end of a healthy relationship. You don’t owe your wife an explanation that you’re leaving. Telling her in that moment is going to make you vulnerable to her trying to get you to stay. That could be using emotional manipulation, but leaving is always a risky time and, although you feel you won’t be physically harmed, abusers often escalate their abuse and do become physical to keep their control in these situations. That the thought of telling her is making you feel freaked out is a sign your instincts are giving you about what’s best and safest for you. You understand your situation much more deeply than your colleagues and you don’t need to do anything that’s going to make you uncomfortable. It’s great that you have colleagues you can talk to and who want to support you, but it’s also really important that you are in control of these decisions around how to leave.
If you wanted to talk through your plan further with a Women’s Aid worker, you could use our Live Chat service to do this. Hopefully, you were able to discuss things with your case worker when you met.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
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