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    • #158723
      Nefertiti
      Participant

      (detail removed by Moderator), I put on the skirt with the largest pockets I have, slipped my medication and a spare pair of knicks into a pocket, went to my therapist as planned and then rang a friend. I am currently sitting on friend’s sofa, having a blissful evening on my own while she is out.

      I am feeling a bit wobbly, but my main emotion is shock at how little I care about how my husband is coping. He has just ground me down so much that I have no energy to spare. No idea what will happen next, but it can’t be worse than continuing as we were.

    • #158740
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Wow! Well done you. I hope you enjoyed your blissful evening. Will you stay away now or is this respite?

    • #158754
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      Yes wow Nefertiti, this is a massive step forward x do you have professional support in place?

      I remember when I finally got my ex husband to leave…. I had so many differing emotions.

      I Hope you are ok?
      Hugs HFH ❤️

    • #158766
      MovingTarget
      Participant

      This makes me happy and somehow makes up for some of my pain. Keep going 🙂 xx

    • #158779
      Nefertiti
      Participant

      Thanks for the support!

      Eggshells: Having left, I cannot face going back.

      HFH: I do not have professional support yet; that is the first thing I will do on Tuesday.

      Listening to myself telling my friend things that had become normal, I can’t understand why I stayed for so long.

    • #161388
      Nefertiti
      Participant

      I went back.
      I did not take all my drugs with me and it was difficult getting more as I had picked up 2 months’ worth the day before I left. Making an appointment with the doctor seemed one task too many, so I asked if I could go back to the flat to pick up more stuff. He agreed but only on condition that we met up first.

      Long story short, I was surprised at how quickly things went straight back to how they had been and it became clear that he had no intention of keeping the promises he made, especially that we would go to couples counselling.

      So, here I am again having a nice quiet evening in on a friend’s sofa. This time I am being helped by my local domestic abuse support people and they are being amazing. It was a shock but also very validating to be told that I was at high risk because he is so controlling, although very rarely physically violent. Unfortunately the CPS did not agree and he was released without charge, but it had never occurred to me that he would be arrested (and it clearly hadn’t occurred to him either). The police were absolutely wonderful and, again, it was very affirming to be told that his actions were criminal.

      So, I know that, whatever happens, I must not see him again; if I do, he will manipulate me into going back. I am so grateful that, after being disappointed a couple of months ago, my friends are standing by me again.

      • #161389
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        Wow just wow.
        Wishing lots of luck sending you hugs. Xx

    • #161391
      Lost lady
      Participant

      So happy for you Nefertiti x stay strong xx

    • #161400
      Galabeee
      Participant

      That is amazing Nefertiti I’m so glad for you . I’m almost where you are …. a few more weeks , and linking in again with local services next week to help plan and figure out how the hell I do it all. Stay strong and so glad you have friends around you who are being supportive x

    • #161708
      Earlgrey
      Participant

      Well done and keep strong.
      I myself have left, I left (detail removed by moderator) ago and after 4 went back after lots of mithering and then not even 2 weeks after was screamed at and scared so I left again and am currently staying with (detail removed by moderator).
      I had a lot of text messages and phone calls last night and am feeling quite upset and very anxious today.
      We have a mortgage together and other debts and I am worried at where to even start.
      I had a Marac meeting about 6 weeks ago and have a Dv housing officer and on a waiting list for and Idva support worker.
      I just feel like my emotions are so high and overwhelmed and upset 30+ years we have been together and been married for (detail removed by moderator) years. Things were physically violent in the early days however it then was more controlling and aggressive gritting teeth and clenching fist and then 10 mins after all normal again. He is calling me a liar and that I am making him out to be a monster, what planet am I on, I am crazy, what medication am I taking and too much to mention 😢 I just know this is going to be so hard and I suffer with anxiety at the best of times, I am more concerned about being rehoused and finances and where to start, what happens next etc

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