I’ve left and gone no contact again

[Hsjslehdhd]

Hi,

It’s been a while, I crumbled last time and took him back. I moved and he found me again, the constant harrasment just got roo much. I’ve spent another year or more in hell, worse than ever before. This time it took him longer than the last time (it seems to get longer everytime) to get physical but when he did it was worse than ever before. The emotional and verbal abuse didn’t take long to rear its ugly head though.

(detail removed by moderator) he just lost it. He just wasnt in his right mind, i tried to keep him happy in any way i could but it didnt work. Eventually he just flipped, i saw it coming and I’ve never been so frightened, I managed to call for help and he was arrested. (detail removed by moderator)

I’m more confused than I’ve ever been over it all because this time was different, I can’t explain it because I don’t understand it myself but he just wasn’t right, the things he said and did, it was just scary and strange.

I thought I knew him, I thought I knew what he was capable of but he proved that I didn’t really know anything about him.

I’m relieved to be out, to not have to deal with him anymore. I’m not upset, I’m not angry, I really dont feel anything, I feel like im on autopilot…is that normal? I don’t feel depressed but I also don’t feel happy. I feel numb if that makes sense.

I feel like something is different this time. (detail removed by moderator). He has tried his best to guilt trip me, make me angry so ill react, tell me how sorry he is and how much he loves me but this time ive read each one with no emotion at all. I really don’t care, I’m completely unaffected, I’m hoping this means I’m stronger than ever before but I am a bit concerned about how shut down I feel over it, like it’s going to all hit me at once and I won’t be able to cope or am I just at that point where I can finally do this. Has anyone else felt like this before?

[browneyedmum]

Hi Hsjslehdhd!

The ‘auto-pilot’ and numbness is completely normal because you’ve not yet processed what happened.

Also, given what you’ve said above … I think you got grounds for a non-mol / no contact agreement. Other women can give you better advice on how to achieve that.

But I did want to comment that the numbness is completely normal. Meanwhile, he’s up to no good. Keep yourself safe xX.

[swanlake]

It sounds like you’ve been through an incredibly difficult period and we all react differently to things. I’ve had mental health issues for several years, I probably also had them before I stopped all contact with my abuser but was that busy dealing with the abuse that I had little energy left over to look after myself.
I’ve found local mental health charities so helpful for doing healing things in a supportive environment.

[Lostnalone]

This sounds so similar my darling to what I went through. I’ve been away 7wks. When I first left I was a mess!! Very dark thoughts,I couldn’t speak for the first week. I was completely numb. I’d left numerous occasions over the yrs. This time was so different. I left because of my mental health,I knew if I’d didn’t I wouldn’t of been here in the nxt Yr!! I didn’t no where to turn. I accessed the local dv services and the incredible. I rang every help line there was. However the best place to speak and receive very personal advice was on here. When your ready apply for a non molestation order. This wil help u focus on yourself,as they can’t make contact or come near u. Your feelings and emotionions wil come back. My dv lady explained that when your body goes numb it’s actually protecting itself. Keep posting on here luv. As some of ladies are further on in there recovery than I am. Please stay strong Its does ease with time.xxxx

[Intr0vert]

I can completely relate what you’re going through. I caved earlier on this year and took my abuser back. I suffered the following 10 months of emotional and physical abuse. I finally left him last month. It has now been almost 5 weeks and I am feeling the same. I am just numb. I feel like I am dead inside.. but it’s a process. Some days you will feel ok, others not so much. Find the strength to stay away from your abuser. They will never change. Sending you lots of strength x

[Broadbodiedchaser]

Auto pilot is how I was when I moved out. Behind my back a ‘friend’ accused me of having no empathy when, in fact I was just having to ‘get on with it’ because I knew if I paused to think, I would crumple and stay. It was the hardest thing to do. You won’t always feel this way. It lessens over time. Good luck x

[Camel]

Anyone would feel numb after fearing for their life and surviving. You are incredibly strong so I don’t think you need to worry that you’ll be crushed when you start to process everything. You gave your abuser another chance and you suffered greatly. You’ve changed and know you had a lucky escape. He, on the other hand, hasn’t changed. He’s using the same old tactics to get you back. Feeling unmoved by his texts is powerful. I expect that feeling nothing is very strange after months of feeling everything all at once.

[Hsjslehdhd]

Thank you everyone I really appreciate your reply and words of strength. I’m still standing my ground. He of course continued his usual harassment and this time I didnt stand for it and reported it. I’m still struggling to feel anything other than anxiety. I just can’t seem to process it all. The next couple of months are going to be so hard. I hope your all doing well and you are all so unbelievably strong 💪 💗

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