I’ve left and it’s so hard!

[Choices]

I’m new and never expected to be posting on here in a million years. I finally saw the light and had the guts to go. My solicitor advised me to go back to try to keep the property- what a mistake! He claimed I’d assaulted him, he went beserk so I called the police. Guess who got the caution? Yep me!
I’m back out of the house again with kids. I’ve been back to police to give my evidence. They recognised the abuse and I’ve to go back in new year to make a statement. They said it could still take 12 months to get back in my home, one of my children is desperate to be home and I know he is trying to manipulate him back.
I am just stunned. I thought when I spoke out there would be help. I’ve loads of evidence. I also have been financially abused so struggling in that way. He’s trying to get me to go back and discuss things. Trying to use the kids.
I don’t even know where to begin in terms of finding a home, I’m staying with a relative at the moment but this is short term. Do I have to pay bills in the house as well? He’s already demanding money from me! I feel so lonely, so abused but also so determined to see this through! x

[Eggshells]

Hi Choices

Welcome to the forum and well done for getting out.

No, you don’t have to pay bills if you’re not living there. If the bills are in your name, you can ring the providers and ask them to take your name off. Tell them you’ve left due to domestic abuse and they’ll do it all for you.

Please get in touch with your local dv charity. They all offer different services but most will offer advice about housing. You are officially homeless now and the local authority has a duty to rehouse you. You may also be able to find a place in a refuge as a stop gap.

[Wants To Help]

Hi Choices,

Your situation is concerning to read and I am sorry you are in this situation.

Did your solicitor know that your situation was abusive? Advising you to go back home for financial reasons when you are in an abusive relationship is not good. I know solicitors do try and want their clients to come out with the best financial outcome, but they should not be putting safety before money. I know that lots of women (myself included) will voluntarily stay in an abusive relationship for financial reasons but that is our choice, we should not be advised by a professional to do so. This may be worth speaking to a more senior person in the legal firm about.

Were you arrested by the police or invited for a voluntary interview? Either way, you should have been told you had the right to speak to a solicitor free of charge. Did you take this up?
Cautions are only issued to people who admit the offence, if you deny the offence and there is no evidence to support it the police usually release NFA (No Further Action), or if you admit it with mitigating circumstances and refuse to accept the Caution they would have to report you for the offence which would then proceed by way of summons if it passed the CPS threshhold for a prosecution.

You can appeal the Caution if you feel you didn’t fully understand the process and the police have now accepted and understand the abusive background. You can email your local police force via their website and ask for the circumstances to be reviewed. A Caution can affect certain jobs going forward and prevent you from getting some jobs, especially if it is for assault, so if you can get it overturned it would be great.

Do you and your ex own the family home with a mortgage or do you rent? There are likely to be some financial penalties for you if the mortgage is not paid, but you have already been advised about bills.

xx

[Choices]

Thank you for replying. One major issue I have is he has all financial info. I’m working with very limited info which is making everything so much harder 🙁 I’m going to give it a go tomorrow though and try to sort what I can out. I know I can do this x

[Choices]

Hi
Solicitor said it would be easier to get him out the house if I was there . I did say it wasn’t ideal due to his history but I tried going back, what a mistake!
Police said I could give an interview in the back of the police car or they’d arrest me. They did say I could have a solicitor but I refused as my child had witnessed all the commotion and was waiting for me. My aim was to get to them asap. The police tried to leave them in the house until they told them they wanted to leave with me.
I did admit throwing something towards him which is the offence. I also showed them all my evidence but they said that didn’t count. I brought it up at my interview the other day and the PC is looking into it. She did look quite aghast when I shared what happened, particularly having listened to my evidence.
Yes it is a mortgage. I’ll call the lender tomorrow. I feel he is trying to bully me financially now by making stupid demands financially that I can’t afford.
I honestly didn’t realise it would be this hard once I left! x

[Wants To Help]

I’ve sent you a PM x

[Author]

Posts