Ive left and now he’s talking to my best friend

[ConfusedAndDazed]

So ive left him after being in a controlling relationship since i was very young.
Since we split he has befriended my best friend, who he never had time for when we were together.
He now tells her everything and asks for her advice on what he should do next. She feels that she is helping by telling him what to do. But part of me feels that he is only speaking to her to get info out of her, whether she is aware of this or not.
Ive spoken to my best friend and he has tried lying to me about stuff she has said,and visa versa.
She feels that she is helping and wants to stay in contact. But i feel that it may be just another avenue for him to get to me.

Has anyone else experienced their partner doing this? If so, how did you manage it?

[KIP.]

You’re going to have to drop this ‘best friend’ if she continues to keep in contact with your abuser. If she is your true friend she will understand. If she continues contact with your abuser she is not a true friend. It’s very obvious to me why he is contacting her. She should know better x

[Had.enough]

Ask this “best friend” if your friendship means anything. What is she playing at!!!!

[ConfusedAndDazed]

She feels that she needs to stay in contact to help regarding our children, and if they were at his house, and something happened, she could be on the end of a phone for him, as she doesnt think he would ring me.

[KIP.]

She’s talking nonsense. You can use a third party for emergencies. Your parents or sibling. Being an emergency contact is different than allowing him to befriend her. It’s not her decision. It’s yours and if you’re asking her to cease contact for any reason, then she should respect that. If the roles were reversed, would you behave like this. I think there may be more going on behind the scenes. At the very least your ex will know it’s going to upset you x

[ConfusedAndDazed]

To be fair, if the roles were reversed, this isnt the way i would choose to handle it.

[maddog]

My ex started to make contact with my friends as well. Luckily they didn’t take the bait and were confused that he would want to speak to them after decades of never befriending them. You don’t need people who choose your ex. You really don’t need this woman. Please grieve the end of the friendship and leave well alone. Your ex will be playing the victim and telling your friend all sorts of sob stories, and as long as she is prepared to listen she is no friend of yours.

[diymum@1]

my ex got intouch with some off my work colleagues. also some of my family – its definitely a control tactic. id warn your friend not to be gulable if she keeps on warn her that the friendship will be in jeopardy. put your boundaries up – this is very common xx flying monkeys with emotional attachment x

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