I’ve realised at last that I’m in it again…

[Ariel]

A different type of what some will call abusive relationship.
My eyes are open and the fog is clear, I see the lies I am told daily and I can see why he’s saying them.
He has been saying lately that I am the problem and I’ve believed it. But then I’ve started to remember that I was fine before I met him. I was healed from my past abusive relationship and all these new symptoms are from the one I’m in now.
He blames them on my ex but I can see now that it’s him.
The big eyeopener today was that I was so worried to talk to him because I might say something in the wrong way and cause a row. And I saw him trying to make a row so he could go out, but my mind was clear so I could see that what he was trying to argue about made no sense at all.
But now I have this trauma bond and i have thoughts that he will be better with the next person and I’ll regret leaving him when I see them together.
I recognise this is silly and I shouldn’t think like this but it very real to me.

[Buildmeupbuttercup]

Dear Ariel,

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through, you don’t deserve the way your partner has been treating you. I’m impressed that you are able to think so clearly about his behaviour, I found that next to impossible to do in my last relationship.

My ex would also sit with me whenever I showered or bathed and would want to be with me all the time. It did make it harder to leave – I’m not used to having any time to myself.

The next woman won’t change him, the only person who can change him is himself. I left my ex recently and have lots of regrets about it, I miss him everyday. It is really really painful but it is for the best – I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Sometimes I think I can handle the abuse, I just want his love back, but now I question if he even loved me.

Your emotions and fears aren’t silly, they are very understandable and show that you have feelings for your partner. Please remember that you would not be having to think this way and go through so much mental turmoil if your partner was non-abusive. It’s not your fault at all.

Sending love xx

[Author]

Posts