Jealous

[Losingbattle]

Found out recently that my ex has started talking to other women. Even planning a date with one in particular. Its only been over a month ish that we properly split. I feel so jealous. Like I’ve somehow been betrayed. Hes all nice and caring towards her and it makes me angry to think of him being that way with someone else. It’s got my head in a spin because I don’t want him back. I just have that overwhelming feeling of, I don’t want him but I don’t want her to either. I don’t feel normal

[Eggshells]

Hi losing battle, I haven’t had this experience yet (I don’t know that he’s been with anyone else) but lots of ladies on here have. I think what you’re feeling is very common. You are bound to have a mixture of emotions.

I don’t want my ex ever to meet anyone. I want him to be alone and miserable, which is what he deserves. I’d be jealous to know that he was happily abusing another woman whilst I was alone and still feeling so damaged. Why should they get to move on so easily after all the damage they’ve done to us?

But they do move on. Your ex’s speed in moving on exposes the lack of genuine feeling he had for you and that is very painful when you invested so much in the relationship. He needs someone to abuse urgently. He can’t manage without that outlet. That poor woman. I hope she’s not one of us.

Vent Losingbattle. Curse him, say nasty things about him, do whatever you need. But know that although he may seem happy with this new woman, he will never ever be happy because his life will be a constant battle to gain and maintain control and abuse over someone. I can’t see how anyone who behaves like these men can ever have real happiness.

One day, you will! xx

[diymum@1]

This is called triangulation it’s a tactic they use. These men use us and abuse us then they discard. They have no regard for people. Honestly you are well shot xx have a look a triangulation in relationships xx hang in there it’s a tactic to hoover you back xx 😘

[Lifebegins]

My ex was doing that triangulation malarkey for the last couple of months. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already shacked up with another woman. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he was cheating before I left! But I don’t think he was expecting me to leave when I did so that gives me some comfort.

So my thoughts about him moving on: Good! The more his energy is focused on someone else, the less it is on me. I’m keeping off social media altogether and going no contact (thankfully there are bail conditions in place). I don’t want to know what he’s doing. And I don’t want him to know what I’m doing. I might have a moment of weakness when thinking about the triangulation and him moving on then I think just focus on the fact that I’m well rid!

Let’s keep strong! 💕

[Losingbattle]

It worked to start with if I’m honest. He asked for us to get back together and I said yes. But then less (detail removed by moderator) later realised what a big mistake I’d be making and told him I couldn’t do it. He went straight back to talking to the same woman. I tried being civil for our kids sake and told him to be happy. His response was that he hated me, I was evil and my daughter from a previous relationship was evil. And that he was going to (detail removed by moderator) my (detail removed by moderator) daughters dads (detail removed by  moderator). Things just don’t seem to be improving with Time. Maybe it’s my fault

[diymum@1]

It’s not this is what these men do. They will punish and that is so unreasonable. They will just use women and play them off xx don’t get sucked in and don’t take it personally! 💕

[Wants To Help]

Oh please don’t fall in to this trap. I fell in to it myself as I was jealous too. I don’t even know if my ex had met someone else, but I’d heard he’d met a single woman, no kids, good job, own home and car etc, everything that I had and that I knew what he was looking for. We didn’t have our child at the time, I’d finished with him because he was so controlling and jealous (didn’t recognise it as abuse back then as he was never violent to me at that stage) and I just freaked out and thought “Oh my God, he’s moving on, I need to get him back and try again otherwise I could lose him for good.” Unfortunately, (with the benefit of hindsight!) I got him back, and within months I was pregnant, and then the physical abuse started – although he never left any injuries or marks at all, just restraints and arm locks (I minimised it) or throwing me out of my own house and deciding when to let me back in.

Things just got worse, they never got better.

After I finally left him I found out he was already having an affair and so had got someone else lined up. By then I really didn’t care. Then when she finished with him for being too controlling with her and her children, he tried to get me back again. Due to the financial hardship I was in I considered it, but because I couldn’t make my mind up quickly enough to suit him the mask slipped and he showed me his abusive and controlling side again so I decided I wasn’t going back to him. Then he met someone else with children, married her within (detail removed by moderator), had a baby. She divorced him for being abusive. Her children were so traumatised by him that one of them no longer has much to do with her. He then met someone else, she was pregnant within (detail removed by moderator). My son has witnessed the abuse to both of these step mums. The current wife is having a nightmare with him at the moment, far worse than I ever had.

These men don’t change. Feel sorry for the poor woman he’s got lined up at the moment and be glad his focus is off you!

 

[Wiseafter]

Hi all. I get you. When we were out together he used to get attention from other women (and men) who seemed to know him very well. I spent my whole time saying ‘Who was that? How do you know him/her?’. We didn’t go out much so it used to really bug me – I felt like an intruder on his social life! He usually went out without me until the early hours and this went on for years. If I challenged him he would say it was none of my business where he went, or who with, and give me the silent treatment or threaten me to shut me up. I have had a woman come up to me and tell me they are his girlfriend – and who the hell am I??? He had some excuse – then he got angry to twist around to me being jealous and insecure, ruining the evening, crazy, embarrassing etc etc. And boy, if I so much as looked at another guy he would find some way to punish me! Every time we split up in the past he would make sure I knew he was ‘seeing’ other women – always big them up to me as to how supportive they had been and we had split up so it was OK for him to see other women etc. It used to drive me absolutely crazy. Now I know about how he abused me, I know he just wants to hurt me and continue to control my emotions because that is what makes him feel he has power and I see that so clearly now, so I am not jealous anymore because none of it is about real emotions, or about love, or intimacy, or any of the things I thought it was.

[Lifebegins]

Wiseafter- your comment about other women being supportive made me laugh. I recently got told ‘she built his confidence and made him feel good about himself’. Where do they get these lines from? Are they all reading the same handbook? I read post after post on this forum and think yep he said that to me or he did that to me. It’s quite astonishing xx

[Losingbattle]

I’m not falling for it again. He tried telling me things would be different but then as soon as he didn’t get our marriage back he starts with abusive messages. The fact that he called my older daughter names and threatened violence towards her dad for no reason just shows how hateful he is. How dare he call me evil. I have thought though if hes focussing on someone else he might leave me alone. I suffer with anxiety so its been really bad over the past few days. His ex before me said he was abusive. I never believed her until now. He’ll never change. And he doesn’t think he needs to. Hes blind to how he actually is

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