This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Iwantmeback 6 months ago.

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  • #86588


    A question’s been buzzing around my head for yonks and I hope someone may be able to help answer it. My father was abusive, and he claims that my mum took all the savings from their joint account before he had to leave the family home. This happened a long time ago, when I was a child, and before internet banking existed, when there were just 4 high street banks. My mum gave up her job when she married, as that’s what women often did in those days. My father would have been the sole breadwinner.

    If my father is telling the truth (which I doubt) would anyone know how it would have been possible for my mum to have secured access to this money, which would have involved a personal trip by her to the bank? Wouldn’t the bank have required both of my parents’ signatures before releasing this money, or some prior notification that all of the money in this account was to be withdrawn? I’ve no idea how much money was involved. No point asking my mum about any of this stuff as she’s still traumatised from it all and refuses to answer any difficult questions.

    Thanks xx

  • #86610

    Hi my mum and dad had a joint bank account, my mum recently passed, both late ’70’s. My dad paid into the account, my mum had access and lifted what she needed until mental health deteriorated and my dad gave her the housekeeping. At no point did the bank prevent either party from accessing their funds. If anything it is harder now but only once the bank is aware that one of the partner’s abuses the other. Since informing my bank, I’ve put in place protection to stop him being able to access joint accounts, sell the house without my knowledge etc. I hope this helps you clarify your parents situation a bit better.
    IWMB πŸ’žπŸ’ž

  • #86674

    Hi Iwantmeback

    Thanks for replying. There was no money around when my parents divorced as my dad refused to pay maintenance. If my mum had snatched all this money from their joint bank account then I just wonder what she did with it as it wasn’t used to buy new school uniforms or heat the house! It is this issue (refusing to pay maintenance for me and my brother) that has been the cause of my lifelong abuse from my father. He thinks that my mum has indoctrinated her children against their father, and would like to constantly remind me of that fact. Interestingly this tirade of abuse is not directed at my brother.

  • #86676

    Hi it’s just another form of his abuse of you both. IF and it’s a big IF, she had taken ‘his’ money you would have seen signs of it from her. New clothes shoes,handbags etc. If it was spent on food and heating then she was doing her best as a responsible parent. I’m not sure of your story as im not long back on the forum. It’s through posting and reading others’ posts that I learned so much about my relationship.
    Take care my friend, remember it’s baby steps
    IWMB πŸ’žπŸ’ž

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