Just about giving up

[Anonymous]

Hey , I have children, for years I feel like ive tried so hard to protect them , keep things normal try and pretend everything is great , I just can’t do it anymore .

ive let them see snippets of who there real dad is , what I’m asking is how will my children react when they find out we are leaving , how do I cope with there emotional upset as for years ive only had to deal with my own . What if they hate me , what if this is how my life is ment to be . He said he was moving out and nothings happened it’s like he prentinding that nothing happening and still expects me to have sex with him .

I feel lost , sad lonely and the thought of how my life should be is driving me in sane

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Hi Jellybabys
As time goes on and the children get older they will see exactly what’s has been going on, my Daughter has worked it ALL out over the years and is now a well rounded young woman.
It will be very very hard to leave, but the children will soon see its for the best, you will be able to rebuild your life and slowly slowly relax, they want a safe happy Mum.
This in NOT how your life is meant to be, ITS HIM !! at fault here !!!!
Try to remove yourself in your head for now, make excuses if you have to, and NO he does not have the right to have sex with you, mine was exactly the same, and remember no consent IS rape.
Trust your inner voice, follow that voice, if it feels wrong, its because it is !!!
Stay safe, lots of love x*x

[KIP.]

You gather a support network. You don’t have to do this alone. Have you considered having him removed? Have you contacted your local women’s aid or a solicitor? Start building outside help. Friends. Family. Police. Solicitor. Women’s aid. This forum. GP. You can do this. Children are resilient. It’s you who needs to be happy and strong and free from abuse then they will thrive and you can handle what comes your way but try to get your ducks in a row first. There’s always a refuge if you have to go in a hurry. Typical abuser tactic to ignore his own behaviour or blame others. They have no moral compass x selfish individuals

[littledove]

Hello Jellybabys,

You’re absolutely doing the right thing by leaving. Not just for you, but for your children as well.
They won’t hate you. Yes they may be a little upset at their parents separating. But even a healthy relationship with kids involved ends and the kids are just fine.

But in a relationship where a partner is abusive the children are 100% better off without being in that environment. They will thank you for it when they’re grown up, that you put them first and got them away from it.
A child witnessing abuse is damaging.

Wish you all the best in leaving him xx

[Eggshells]

Hi Jellybabys

Whatever he might tell you to stall a breakup, I am pretty sure that he won’t move out. It’s rare for an abuser to leave unless they are forced out.

Do you have a spare room that you can move into?

I’m not sure how old your children are but most often, children are OK. Quite often, they will have seen and understood what’s been going on. They are likely to have been victims of his attempts at manipulation too.

Some women have lost their children though. My children were quite old when I first talked to them about it. They both understood and have been very supportive. Ultimately, you know your children best. Do you think you’ll be able to discuss this with them without them talking to their Dad?

[Author]

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