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    • #18382
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi ladiess

      Hope u can guide me , as you know i am now in process of (detail removed by Moderator) , ex has stopped pestering me for while now, actually since (detail removed by Moderator) was going to be issued. I now find we can talk for few minutes reasonable , the few minutes is the time limit set by me by the way i just keep conversation short and simple informing him boys are ok . Now what i need in guidance is he called me yesstserday stating he is thinking of going bankruptcy and is after advice or my opinion in whats the best way to protect so kids gets, which doesnt bother me as that will be just end of another chapter, what bothers me is my ex b in law has also tried making contact with me last night, i declined call with automatic message cant talk im driving , he text bk call when u can chat which i replied ok. i had no intentions of calling bk as am going to speak to my solkicitor first as u maybe aware he was the one that financially abused me (detail removed by Moderator) even though it was his brother i was married to not him. do i text him bk am busy ,text or leave voice mail message in reference to what u want to discuss or say speak to solicitor direct. The only reason i am considering speaking with him is to save on solciitor costs and to speed things but , but at the back of my head i know they never make any contact unless to suit them or benefit them , so what do u think ladies

    • #18393
      SaharaD
      Participant

      You are dealing with an abuser. There is no saving money or cutting costs and there is no speeding anything. Try to make it as direct as possible. One negotiation (if you can stomach it) and then straight to court. Don’t let the solicitor write letters back and forth. If the court request an item, it costs you nothing. If the solicitor request it it cost you every letter to get it and then going to court to get the court to request it. Otherwise it will drag on. Do not try to sort it out with the abuser and his enablers on your own.

      This has been what I have seen with people who divorce abusers. They drag it out. You want to seem reasonable but they are always unreasonable so it will inevitably end up in court. You just need a solicitor to document your case and put your side across as good as possible and then hope for the best. Don’t get into adversarial back and forth and trying to get one over on the abuser. It doesn’t work. Get what you can and write off the rest and get them out of your life as quick as you can.

      Abusers are snakes. Handle with care and never let your guard down.

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