Just another episode

[anotherlife]

While I’m hanging in there putting up with thing a as we were in a lul and I have the children to consider and I’m out of work after redundancy and I have back and health problems, the list goes on. Anyway. Here we go again. Work stress is getting to him and I have no job. We can manage well enough at the moment as he earns well but I do far more than my fair share at home and looking after the children. So, he decides to hassle me for sex last night, when it was late, my back’s killing me as usual when I go to bed. I tell him I’m not in the mood, he’shassling me, I said I should be allowed to go to bed and go to sleep. Suddenly he’s having a go at me about everything he can think of, apparently it was a discussion, not an argument. Proves how he hear a things differently in his head as in the end, our discussion is an argument and he decides to go off in a huff and sleep on the sofa. Hard to talk to today, I’m really not interested and he’s off abroad with work in a few days.
I just don’t know how we can carry on. I’m sick of everything being my fault.
I know this is just a waffling moan, I haven’t even written it out properly. I’m just so sick of everything and how he can have such a massive impact on my mood, my day, my week.
I’m scared really, of the impact it’s having on me and the kids and the fact that I know it will get so much worse if I manage to get out of here, I don’t expect him the make the decision. He’s so angry and selfish. I hate being with him so I should feel relieved if things change one day, but I’m just scared as he makes me feel bad enough now. I don’t know how I’ll be strong enough.

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Anotherlife,
You sound exactly like me a year ago. I’m so sorry you’re so sick of taking all the blame, always being in the wrong, having to do all the house work, child care etc etc. You know you want to leave, that you need to leave because things will just get worse for you and your children, but you’re scared, how can you possibly manage on your own etc. That’s exactly how I felt.
What you have to realise is that you can manage perfectly well, you’re already doing it. By the sounds of it you are the same as me and doing everything around the house, child care, running around, shopping, cooking, laundry, gardening, decorating etc etc. Mine pays the bills and that’s it. Well he’d have to pay maintenance for the children anyway so what benefits are there for staying with him? Rows, hassle, extra mess and work, constantly moaning, picking faults, upsetting the children etc etc. If I can find the courage to divorce my husband I’m sure you can too. There’s so much help and support and we all deserve to be happy. But these abusers are so selfish and self absorbed they don’t even think about what we want or need, it’s unimportant to them since we don’t matter to them.
They take everything we have to give and then take what’s left until we are just empty, broken shells. Then they have the nerve to complain we’ve let ourselves go!!!!
They are never satisfied, you jump through one hoop for them and they’ve already got two more waiting.
Start planning, speak to your local Women’s aid group about making a safe exit plan for you and the children. You don’t have to do anything, make any big decisions etc, they didn’t put any pressure on me just gave me lots of support and advice and numbers of people who could help with various problems etc.
It’s never too soon to start planning, then when you’re ready to make the decision to leave, you will be prepared and able to leave. It’s actually very empowering to know you have some control over your life. They take away all our power, control, confidence, self worth etc. Start taking it back, even if you don’t leave for a while.
Good luck with your journey. Love and hugs ❤️

[anotherlife]

Hi Freedomfighter.
Thank you so much for your lovely & lengthy reply. It’s wonderful to have support on here. Family who I thought would understand don’t really get it and although a few of my friends understand, no one but me can do anything about this, unless of course he does one day.
I just feel totally stuck with the situation that I’m in with no job and not knowing how I’d manage the bills and home. He controls it all – I used to think he was so good and helpful doing all the bills, as this was his house before we married. But now I see that I have no idea about costs apart from the food bills which I pay for but will soon have no money for.
I feel like KIP in one of the other posts I read today – I wish he’d never come home and sometimes think awful things, which I really shouldn’t but it proves how much he has got to me and how he makes me feel.
I feel so much better when he’s not here. But as he’s gone off in a huff, it makes me more uncomfortable than usual. I actually got an email from him a few months ago when he was in a mood and wanted to say how he felt! I think it proves he’s getting worse and worse about being able to talk about anything.
Anyway, I’m waffling again.
I actually had a call last wk from WA, as I called them months ago and was out on a waiting for one to one help. Stupidly I said to the lovely lady that I felt bad using her time as there were people a lot worse off than me and things were a little call again. But I also said I was just waiting for the next issue to
And here or is.
So I’ll speak to get this week, she said she’d be able to help me with lots of different things and I think it has come at exactly the right time. I can’t make decisions about anything anymore and I’m getting more and more downtrodden, like I don’t matter and he’s far more important. I don’t like him, I barely if at all love him. I don’t respect him at all.
Off I go again!
Thank you once again. I hope your life is settling down now and your future looks bright x🌸💗

[Author]

Posts