Just back from my mum's funeral

[maddog]

The funeral went really well and lots of people came which was lovely.

Just after my mum died, I and my husband received an email from a family member announcing the death. My father then told my husband in a phone conversation that he was in a flap about her funerary arrangements.

My husband is now claiming that he wasn’t aware of her death. He chose not to be aware of it. Now he wants to see her will. The thought of him benefiting from her life in any way makes me feel sick. My husband has declared that my friends and family are all psychopaths and useless.

I feel frankly suicidal. My solicitor has told me the worst and really I feel that I am not being protected in any way at all. My husband has lied and lied and lied throughout our marriage. The marriage has been dead for well over 2 years, dying for far, far longer.

I have been getting horrible flashbacks of what he has done to me sexually and now I wonder what he will do next.

[KIP.]

Hi, do you have a legal separation date? After that date he’s not entitled to any inheritance and you can argue about that separation date even if you don’t have one already in place. I’m so sorry you’re going through this with an abuser. My ex did the same. Tried to benefit from my grandmothers death. Thankfully we were already legally separated. Despicable men. Hang in there and keep working on getting rid of the parasite x

[maddog]

I don’t know if I have a legal separation date. We have been living in separate rooms for over (detail removed by moderator) since I told him I didn’t like being groped when I was asleep. He told me that it was his way of showing affection, that I was his wife and that he would never touch me again. the divorce kicked off with my daughter attacking me and his condoning her behaviour. I hope to speak to my solicitor tomorrow. I’m terrified.
He told me today that he has no intention of lifting a finger to do any housework as there are people coming in to clear out. I don’t think he quite gets it. I recording him saying this.

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Maddog,
So sorry for your loss, I’m so glad the funeral went well.
How despicable of your husband to be talking about profiting from your mother’s will. They really know how to hurt us.
I’m not sure if you are already in the process of divorcing him, but you can ask your lawyer to separate your finances. I’m not sure what they call it but your lawyer will know and can best advise you.
I’m sure once you explain you have been living separate lives even if it is under the same roof, your lawyer can help you stop him getting his hands on your inheritance.
Sending you hugs and strength. Wishing you the best of luck when you see your lawyer. Keep strong ❤

[maddog]

Our finances have been completely separate since February when I closed the joint account.

[iwillbeok]

I am sorry for your loss maddog. Sorry also that he is making this time that should be about you remembering and grieving for your Mum stressful and all about him. I have a close family member whose ill and one of the aspects of hurt is lnowing full well had we still been together there would have been no support from him. There would have been a surface ‘there, there’ followed by ‘oh well, nothing you can do aboutbit’ and likely a lecture on his expertise /experiences.

Not able to give any advice, but just wanted to add my support and condolences.

X*x

[maddog]

I think that if my husband is going on the make with my mum’s money, then I shall tell my solicitor to stop the divorce process. I feel like s**t. I really feel as though I’m having to pay a sex offender to go away. I feel as though I will be lucky to escape with my life. I am getting more and more horrible flashbacks of him shoving his penis at me and into me when I was not awake and poking around with his horrible fingernails. It is the awful shove shove he used to do whenever he felt like it. I am finding myself seizing up at the thought. That thought is becoming an irritation. Almost invasive.

[KIP.]

Things won’t get any better until you are no longer with him. Put any energy you have to escaping and getting free. You’re going to be extra vulnerable at the moment. Hang in there x

[maddog]

Believe me, I have been trying. Had outreach appt with WA today. I am so hoping the counselling with Rape Crisis can start soon. My life is effing not worth it at the moment.

[Lisa]

Hi maddog,

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. As others have mentioned, this time should be about grieving for and remembering your mum. Perpetrators take advantage of us if we are feeling weak and vulnerable. I hope the counselling with Rape Crisis does start soon as the flashbacks sound awful to deal with.

If you haven’t already it may be worth calling Rights of Women for legal advice. I’m aware you already have a solicitor but Rights of Women are run by volunteer female solicitors, who have done a lot of work around domestic abuse.

I hope the support of your local WA and Rape Crisis is helpful to you at this difficult time.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes,

Lisa

[maddog]

Yay! I managed to get through to Rights of Women!!!! Thank you Lisa! My husband wants the children to live in 2 homes. Neither of them want that.

I recorded a conversation with my husband about the housework. He said, no someone else can do it. It sounded just like the kind of arguments I have with my daughter. Verbatim. Except she hits me. My husband usually becomes increasingly vitriolic and wishes someone would hit me, like my daughter. He is oblivious to our daughter breaking the law and potentially marring her life with a police record. So he is trying everything he can think of to get the blame shifted to me.

[Author]

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