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    • #23496
      WanderingCloud
      Participant

      It is a while since I posted on here, mainly because since ending my marriage, I have been concentrating on finding somewhere to live etc though I have been visiting the forum often.
      In the beginning when I took that such fearful step to actually tell him I wasn’t happy and that I was ending the marriage, things looked positive. It had taken me such a long long time to find the courage to tel him so it was like the biggest weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
      Surprisingly, he took it fairly well, shocked and hurt initially but after a rocky few weeks, he has come to terms with it, admitting that yes he hadn’t been happy for few years but would have probably just carried on.
      However I am now at a stage of even greater anxiety than I was during my marriage. This isn’t because I regret my decision, I have not once ounce of regret but because I am so worried about my future and this consumes my every waking moment.
      I worry financially even though he is going to pay me out of our home/business, I have enough rental money to pay for the next 12 months but where does my future lie?
      I aren’t ready to date but am anxious about a future on my own?
      I am anxious that when I am ready, where do you meet people. I am not a teenager, am mid (detail removed by Moderator), will someone be interested in me.
      My son is early teens so has a good few years yet at home but am anxious about the day he leaves.
      My head is so full of worries and depression that I feel like I leading 2 lives. The normal day to day where I walk around with a smile on my face however the reality is I feel so cr*p.
      He has quickly moved on, this I am not bothered about but his insensitivity about flaunting it on social media infuriates me. Yes, life is much easier for me whilst he is happy but again his own state of mind is still affecting my own life. When he was between girlfriends (it is (detail removed by Moderator) months since we finished), he was back on at me about resuming a sexual relationship and this was relentless until he found someone else.I am unable to go no contact as we still have the business together and I am keeping things as amicable as possible in particular for the sake of our son.
      He mocks me for ‘wanting to find myself’, he doesn’t understand that for the whole of our relationship, everything revolved around him and this resulted in me losing myself. I don’t know my likes, my dreams and now my future.
      Apologies for such a long post which probably comes across as a bit all over the place but this is how my mind is, it feels chaotic. xx

    • #23500
      SilkyHalide
      Participant

      Hi Wanderingcloud
      Can you do modified contact?
      Block him on social media for example. Even when tempted to look I don’t. I know from family he is flaunting things to create an image that would upset me if I saw it so I don’t look and it doesn’t pop up inadvertently.
      Read how to do no contact like a boss by Kim Saeed. Even if you can’t do no contact you will be able to do some things to limit the opportunities for him to get to your head.
      I can’t do no contact because if children but limiting the forms of contact which are most damaging to my wellbeing has enabled me to grow stronger.

      I pm’d you about other thing that might help.

    • #23550
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI HUn

      Sorry to sound blunt but he can go f Off , totally forget what he says and think, normally when guys make comment like this is cause they know they have lost us , to address your next issue, most of these abusers respond randmoly, i understand your concerns , take small baby steps and set small goals for yourself, first one being finding place for you and your child,then working out budget how u will survuve, there is loads of support out there and they will guide u, get a support worker allocated to yourself, call womens said for support on correct agencies that can help you. Once we leave the abusers one door closes and 2/3 open , im not saying its easy but this is part of what opens new doors for us, this is how we get stronger and re discover ourselves . Ive just re read your post thats brill that he is dealing with this maturely and will give u what is your % plus u have the rental income, your already at agood starting point. Dont worry about the dating game, first love yourself, dont rush to find mr right, he will come at the right time. I too am at stage want a guy now after being out x years, but i am not rushing , everytime i liek a guy i really analyse him deeply and trust my gut instinct, and so far everytime i think yeah this one might be ok, red flag appears and they get cross of my list ,

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