Just could cry , first freedom program session

[Itwastimetostopit]

I guess I’ve still been blocking a lot from past.

In reality, the whole relationship was in his control. Any it’s a lot of years

The physical violence stopped so I guess thought things were better.

Just done first session of freedom program and first thing I did after was cry.
And I’m struggling to not cry.

Just keep thinking if only had insight at the start.
Keep thinking of how it was at start. And how soon it was to feel stuck.
If I’d had confidence to speak out.
But then we had a baby get threatened of being kicked out. Or him taking him off me. Threatening social services.

Being pressured into having sex few week after giving birth.

And all these years it’s effected our children.
I keep saying that it wasn’t all that bad.
But now I see it still wasn’t that good.

And I let it all happen. Still made excuses for his behaviour

[Twisted Sister]

He’s the one to have made all the excuses for his behaviour. I don’t doubt fr a second that you queried things with him, that he upset you repeatedly, that he was a convincer of his reference and that things didn’t mean what you ma’made them out to be’.

If it was straight forward it would be a lot easier, but its really not…its the opposite andi think you are very brave to come here and open your heart to us. Your eyes were notshut you just couldn’t have see the depth of his cruel intend because its not normal and because he normalised it.

You are unhappy about his behaviour, but you did and are surviving, now your eyes are open to the depth of his depravity you have choices which you couldn’t access before.

Warmest welcone & wishes ts

[Twisted Sister]

*repentance (not reference! Stoopid fone)

[anotherlife]

You’ve been brave and done your very best for your children. Theytake out confidence and self worth away and it’s not until later that we realise.
I’m starting the program too very soon & I’m turning into a bag of nerves, I wish he was fine but I hang in for the children but know it’s not the right thing to do, so I’m starting planning properly, when I get chance to do things.
I think it’s the reality of going to the program and being given chance to see thing a more clearly, that’s going to make it hard for us, but also show us we are worth more.
I have (detail removed by moderator) or so to get over, he’s nothing like the man I fell for.
I hope that over time and with the support from the program & the forum, you will be able to stay to regain your self worth and see that none of it as your fault. They would never want to be treated the way they treat us and they know it’s wrong.
Deep breaths and look forward to better days, they will come x

[Itwastimetostopit]

It did become so normal. Even at the end I felt so responsible for him.
It’s only now I’m fully realising.

It’s been nearly (detail removed by moderator) in that relationship.

[anotherlife]

I wish we could all hug each other and make it all better. No woman should put up with abuse of any kind but many of us with children stay when we think that perhaps it’s stress etc causing it and it won’t continue. Mine has been so much worse in the last year and I can’t take it any more. But then it hit me today when looking at anniversary cards for friends, that he really was the love of my life. I never loved anyone like I loved him.
But, and it’s a BIG but, he bullies, puts down, mocks, is very sarcastic, is like Jekyll and Hyde, is a true n*********, has every trait, he makes me really nervous, I’m on pills for anxiety now as I dread him coming home from work trips and expects sex, he often has a go at me and the kids before these trips, so many reasons, even my 2 neighbours give me sympathetic looks and one has mentioned to me that he can hear him having a go and talking down to me.
I shouldn’t have to live like that should I? But I know reality will be a big shock. I have no love left though.
You and your children don’t deserve to live in a life of abuse, treading on eggshells and not knowing what the next day will bring.
If you have any friends for support, or family, let them help. I’ve only told one family member most of what has happened / is happening but now she knows, she understands and it really helps just knowing she’s truly on my side and though she can’tchange anything, I know she’s there for me (not close enough to see much but talking helps).
I’m so sorry to have gone on a bit but please try to look forward, just one day at a time. There will be better times. We may have wasted years on them but we have our children and their love. Don’t let him take more years from you x

[Itwastimetostopit]

You sound like me over past year.

I’ve ended up with social services involved
Its been hard but I’m at other side. Still early days but the relief of not being on edge is huge
My children more relaxed.

There is support out there including the social services.
Have you rang wa for advice?

[Itwastimetostopit]

Hi this morning had a lot of tears when I was alone.
Needed it I think.

Hope you can find a way out.

I used to lay in bed so full of anxiety, feeling on edge.
It wasn’t a nice home for children

Got a lot of what ifs in my head wishing I’d done it sooner

[anotherlife]

Hi, I hope you are feeling a little better today.
Relief is what I hope for one day, I’m always relieved when he works away but less do these days as I dread any day with him. Yes, I’ve spoken to WA & can get some help at the freedom program meetings soon. It’s nowhere near as bad as for some but it’s the uncertainty & I can barely even manage to decide what to do for tea each day as my head’s so full of worry. I was trying to go to sleep last night, could hear the tv on downstairs but I lie there thinking and feel like I forget to even breathe properly. If it wasn’t for my kids, I’d get a bag together and go to a relative. But I want to see all this through so I’ll try to look forward.
I hope you can have some nice time with the children at the weekend and some restful time for you x

[Twisted Sister]

I had lots of what-ifs too, and maybe we all do, wondering if things could have been different I used to wonder a lot about never having met, or before children, or earlier in their lives, but often being so caught up with everything and exhausted and confused, in a fog, you do what you need to just to get through each day.

One day it’s the day that it all changes, and that’s it.

It takes time afterwards to start recovering from it and moving on as you process it, whiçh you are doing here.. Get all the support you can to build on your strength and energies.

Warmest wishes ts

[Twisted Sister]

Dear anotherlife

It’s because of the kids that bag needs packing tand heading to a relative, to have a mum who feels safe again, relaxed and breathing freely.

You expressed that so exactly! The forgetting to breathe properly, like catching yourself holding your breath, yes, I know what you mean.

It’s no life is it. 😞

I hope for better for you. I remember being anxiously still in bed, that’s not relaxed now at least I can breathe and lie here posting and breathing easy, whilst my cat tries to include me in its washing!

Keep posting and talking it through. Everyone seems to think their suffering is not as bad as others, but its all bad isn’t it? All of it,no matter what, its all bad.

Warmest wishes ts

[Itwastimetostopit]

I used to think staying was better for kids.

Another life,
It’s not been long out of it for me but the relief of living in a more relaxed house.

You and your kids deserve better, so much better.

I had a lot of guilt going for help. But I’m so grateful for it now

[fridges]

@itwastimetostop – you are brave by coming to the programme, it is normal to feel to cry, you have been through very difficulties, which very hard to face and even to admit to yourself. With time you will be able to share it more, when you are feeling ready and want to do it. Learn about behaviour, about tactics, the more you will know about it, the more you will be able to protect yourself and shift away from it.
I remember first time I went to the group, which helped women with recovering self-esteem, I could not speak about me, or share. But then there was a such brave girl, she shared her experience, she was not afraid how people will judge her, she opened up and it helped me to open up too.
It took me long long time to put into words what happened, I was all keeping inside me, suppressing, as at that time I was not ready to face it. With trauma it happens this way, it will pop up when you will be ready to do the work on it.
Remember, abusers always shift their abuse on us… like it our fault and we deserve to be punished. It is not true, it is done in order to control you and keep you in the fog.
Be kind to yourself, look after yourself well, give time and patience to process.

All the blessings on your healing journey.

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