Just don’t know what to do

[Cinders]

Hi,
I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore. My ex partner left a couple of months ago and I feel so pressured into letting him take our babies overnight. The first time he took them he refused to bring them back and said he’d see me in court. The police went to do a welfare check and advised him to bring them home which he eventually did. Since then I have tried to do everything right, I spoke to a solicitor and was advised to not allow contact until we had gone through family court and had an order in place. My health visitor and other health professionals told me the same and now the police are also advising that. So why do I find it so hard to tell him this. He has threatened me for months, at first if I asked to. Leave and now because he wants them 3 days a week. They’re only (detail removed by moderator) old and he’s staying with friends and I also am part breastfeeding. He says he’ll stop at nothing to destroy me, he’s tried involving my older children, telling the police I’m violent and abusive telling me he’s going to report me to social services. I’m a nervous wreck. I have another child at home that this is having an impact on and I’m so tired of it. I’ve been told today to tell him he’s not to contact me or come to the house and I really want to do that but I just feel an overwhelming fear. Why does this happen? X
.

[Anonymous]

Hi Cinders,

I’m so sorry you are going through this.
These men have a way with taking away our ability to say no to them. Stopping contact with our children was the hardest decision to make, even harder than separating from my ex.
It’s also hard because they have trained us to put them first, so we think about ‘their rights’ and ‘their needs’ even before the safety of our own children.
If you are being advised to stop contact until there is a court order, then you probably have reason to be concerned for your precious babies. Keep a journal of his threats with dates, and be prepared to get a non molestation order to keep him away.
You can get advice about how to do this from the police.
Best wishes!! Xx

[Stressedandalone]

My partner is trying to do the same, wants our daughter who’s (detail removed by moderator) old but she’s just not safe in his care with all his issues. I feel guilty him not seeing her but I have to believe it’s what’s right for my daughter. I feel like I let her down and my other 2 children even trusting him in the first place. I’ve done the same as you too and gone through a solicitor and I’m awaiting him to take me to court. It’s so horrible, it’s killing me too!

[Author]

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