Just expressing

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

I’ve had a really good day – work was a little stressful but afterwards I went ‘out out’ – first time with my friends since we parted. Felt so proud of myself – had an absolutely great time but have come home and desperately miss him..I’ve had a couple to drink (not a regular drinker) – which I will make everything seem worse, but even when stone cold sober I feel this way (intensity varies greatly even when sober, but seems to gradually more stable) Feel such a fraud – I know he was abusive but I can’t let go of the love I feel for him, maybe he will change, apologise etc etc. Awaiting counselling. Reading about trauma bonding helps a lot…Not sure why I’m posting – guess I just need to let it out to those that experienced it – the love that you still feel for someone. I don’t even know how I want to feel about him – I know I don’t want to end up bitter. I don’t want to hate or pity him but love or what feels like love hurts, I miss the love / fantasy he sold me & I wanted to believe – his love felt so real at the time (why, why would he want to destroy me – the smear campaign – so much? Let alone the other abuse)

[KIP.]

Hi, I’ve started reading about n*********s. (detail removed by Moderator). When they feel they are about to be exposed they will do everything they can to discredit you. They desperately need to keep their mask on and by exposing them you’re ripping their mask off. My ex went to extreme measure to discredit me. Reporting me to anyone he could think of, police, tax office, benefits office. Trying to make me out to be mentally ill. Lying to my family about me. Lying to my child, they are very dangerous individuals. Also look up n********t victim syndrome. I was shocked to see how many symptoms I had. Just stick to the truth and play the long game.

[Iwantmeback]

I watched a YouTube video on n**….**c victim syndrome, just the other day. It was very enlightening. 💪

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Thanks ladies – I’ve had a look and wow – me saying I was leaving seemed to have caused him n**c rage, read an article on it and ticked all the boxes – harressment / stalking, Jekyll & Hyde, smear campaign, triangulation…

[HopeLifeJoy]

I can relate to the feelings of loving him so much, I became very addicted to my second abuser, I loved him above everything in the entire world. Long after he discarded me I kept contacting him, seeking his approval, which of course he never gave me. When I discovered this forum I finally took distance from him and started to educate myself on domestic abuse. I was very much trauma bonded to him and it took me half a year to realise he was abusive and another half to get over him. Now I don’t even like him anymore let alone love him. I have no idea how and why I let myself fall for him so hard, without even knowing him first properly like I usually do, developing a friendship and shared interests.

I just watched a vid about n* abuse syndrome, I tick almost all of the symptoms and what’s surprising is that I got most of them *after* I left my abusive relationships.
I was functioning on survival mode during and hadn’t time to think just to keep going. The nightmares, identity loss, emotional disconnect from myself, developing depression, developing low self esteem and total dissociated with all that happened, came once I was out. It’s like a time bomb that exploded much much later and I am starting – I think, I’m not even sure- to slowly recover.

[KIP.]

I’ve only just discovered n**********c abuse syndrome. It makes so much sense but mine was diagnosed as PTSD after I left my abuser. I wonder if there’s a cross over? Much more research and awareness needed x

[EbonyRaven]

There is a crossover. Particularly from the covert ones.

Glad to hear you had a lovely night out. I often think I’ll never get out with ‘friends’ in any normal way again, so it’s good to hear it can happen.

[Author]

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