Just got free

[Lastchancesaloon]

Hello all,

New here and have just become free from the relationship. We have a child and it’s being happening for a number of years. Staying at my parents at the moment but he has agreed to the separation. Even though he still blames me for the “way I’ve been” and that he thinks the break up is his idea!!.. I’m so glad to be free but I havnt told anyone yet and he’s still living in MY house, she to lock down I don’t think he will be out anytime soon, I’m going to go home in a couple of days. And persevere with the break up. I’ve never been this close to freedom so no going back for me now 🙂 I’m super exited for my new life and what it may bring!! 🙂

[Cecile]

You can get an Occupation Order and get him out. You have so much ahead of you, and I see you are excited, I can say whole heartedly it’s a million times better than you will expect it to be. Worth making one mighty effort and getting him out. Can you get legal aid or advice?

[KIP.]

If it’s your house you can ask the police to help remove him. Do not go back there on your own. This is the most dangerous time for a woman when she ends the relationship. No matter how amicable he seems, underneath he’s a raging unpredictable danger. Tell him to leave the property so that you can return with your child and if he refuses then involve the police. You may feel free but freeing yourself from an abuser isn’t easy.

[Iwantmeback]

I agree wholeheartedly with kip. Getting free and being free are two totally different things. Ìm really happy for you, you feel you’re on cloud9 can take on the world. Definitely don’t go back on your own, if he won’t leave(cos he’s nowhere to go!!!) And it’s your house make him leave, by force if you have to.
💞💞

[Lisa]

Good evening Lastchancesaloon,

I just wanted to drop in to say welcome to the forum!

I’m so glad to hear that you’ve had the strength and courage to leave the relationship and are feeling positive about a future free from abuse.

If you feel as if you would benefit from some extra support with the situation, you can contact your local specialist domestic abuse service, which you can find using this link: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

The live chat is also available Monday-Friday 10am-2pm if you’d like to talk to a support worker about things. https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Congratulations again, stay strong.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Lastchancesaloon]

Hello all, thank you for the advice, I’m pretty sure he will go as he now thinks it’s his idea!! Which it isn’t. I left him. Then he sends me a message saying something around not feeling wanted and loved and he’s put up with a lot of things from me. Okay mate! Still he sees what he does to me as “just and argument” his favourite line “everyone argues” I’m not sure breaking objects and demanding I clean things up or threatening to destroy the whole place if I don’t “tell the truth” or answer the questions that he gives me no time to reply. The put me down of me being a bad mum because I hold down a really good career and the child goes to nursery being brought up by other people. I’m
Selfish because I earn money to support my family?? I’m fat and ugly and he can get someone much better… off you go then!! It’s funny some of the things he comes out with just to try and hurt me. And because I know he says them for that reaction they don’t. I know some people take these things to heart but I’ve become so used to them that they don’t even burn anymore. I just hate him that little bit more. He’s a really good dad to the child I won’t take that away from him and the child idolises him. He doesn’t say horrible to things to the little one about me or try and turn him against me. By the child know he’s horrible as he hears it. Enough is enough!! He will leave. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and give him till the end of May as I’m nice like that. Then I will remove him from the property. I have already got advice from the police who have said they would assist.

[KIP.]

Any father who abuses the mother is not a good father. Abusing a mother in front of a child is child abuse. Your child will idolise him because theyre a child and have no understanding of abuse and coercive control. your child will be one of the ways he will hurt you so please make sure you have something legal in place as he can walk away with that child and not return them and the law will allow it at the moment. Protect yourself and your child legally. He’s going nowhere on his own and my advice is to get him out immediately before he runs up huge bills or damages the property. Turn up with the police and get him removed. You can wait in the car with a friend.

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