Just got out of being with an abusive partner

[Brokenmum]

Hi strong ladies, I dont know where to begin? So I’ll just say it as it is, I’m sorry but it’s going to be a long one. I met my husband (detail removed by moderator) ago, married (detail removed by moderator),we share 3 amazing together, we both have others from previous too, anyway… we got off to a good start apart from his ex, she basically hounded and threatened me daily,but I just accepted that she was obviously upset, however I got caught pregnant, at (detail removed by moderator) I was took to hospital witha suspected miscarriage ( luckily it wasnt) my so called husband, ignored my calls/ text telling him what had happened, instead he was (detail removed by moderator) on the phone to his ex, (detail removed by moderator), we got through that, then she was ringing saying shed slept with him,he denied it and we worked through it, (detail removed by moderator) I was pregnant with our 2nd, all was going well till I was rushed in to deliver our baby (detail removed by moderator), i found out after the baby he had been talking to his ex the whole time during our pregnancy, then (detail removed by moderator) later he went away to (detail removed by moderator) funeral which me and our 2 kids wasnt allowed to go coz his older kids didnt want us there, whilst he was away he turned his phone off (detail removed by moderator), I forgave him when he switched on the charm, (detail removed by moderator), he was angry that (detail removed by moderator) I had a drink with an oold friend and was out the house for (detail removed by moderator) he was saying I didnt care (detail removed by moderator), this riled him, so he dumped all our belongings in the front garden whilst raining and left,leaving me with our 2 children and my (detail removed by moderator) other children to get it all in side, theres plenty more in between all this, (I’m just trying to cram it all in) anyway, he has left me stranded in (detail removed by moderator) suit cases and a buggy, ( I dont drive) he punched me and got fined, he viciously attacked me a few years ago, strangled me, kicked me repeatedly in the face, slashed my (detail removed by moderator), left me unconscious and dumped me in the spare room whilst the kids were in the next room, he was arrested and sentenced to (detail removed by moderator), long story short he begged and begged, switched on the charm, so I contacted social services who made us take part in (detail removed by moderator), and all was good so i thought, he does nothing but lie, keep secrets, i dknt know his family, ir friends, he just says that they dont like me and it’s his time, he has also admitted that he has slagged me off to his friends and family? We havent lived together for (detail removed by moderator) but he use to basically live here, I’d cook his tea, make sure the house was clean, raise our children, do all the mother and wife stuff. He knows I dont have any outside support as i was brought up in foster care and both parents passed away, so i litterally have no one, he will not engage in sorting out our problems, he storms off and we dont see him for days or weeks at a time, he constantly puts me down, name calling, I’m not allowed any me time, even going shopping I have to take at least 1 child with me and he makes me rush,we recently had another baby and he seems to of gotten worse, lie after lie, hes text another woman behind my back, he barely takes note of the kids unless hes has a drink,he knows how much of a struggle it can be for me but he choses to walk out leave me struggling, (I suffer with anxiety and worry about alot) he will lie and get caught out and when I wuestion him it’s always reflected back on me, I’m to blame, I’m a c**t, and every other name you can think of, hes used my past to hurt me, says nasty things about my deceased dad( he disnt even meet him) he will put me under pressure at tea times, I have lost all my friends because of him, the list is endless and as I write this with blurry eyes and tears running down my face I cant help but hate and question my own worth, hes very clever at charming, very clever with his apologies, hes done scams which I knew nothing about and when I found out he said even though I dodnt know about it, I helped him spend the money, he will shout at the kids, and recently threatened to smack one of them, if they act silly he will say theres something wrong with them, he tells my baby that I hate him if I ask my husband to do that feed, I am not who I was a long time ago, I have nothing, I am trying so hard to keep it together for our children I really am but I feel so nieve, broken, crushed, destroyed, belittled, worthless, empty, lost, but also free,
This isnt any teenage relationship either hes in (detail removed by moderator), I’ve spoken to my health visitor who’s helping, today I’ve seen the doctor and been prescribed anti depressants and been referred for help with this, I’ve also only just found this site so thought I’d share my experience, I know it’s long and I’ve tried to put a few things in so you get a bit of my story, but theres plenty in between, I feel that I loved him for the marriage and for the children i so wanted it to work, for us to have this happy lifelong family but looking back it was far from respectfull, i wanted to be the wife that supported him, stand by him, care for him and show him that i was real but i deeply feel that hes enjoyed stealing everythin i stood for away, and I’ve been daft enough to allow it.my kids have given me strength to see this man for who he is and to turn away from him, i poured so much into us and was hurt time and time again,it was like he was intentionally trying to break me, I’ts like I’ve been mentally and emotionally raped, I doubt everythin I do, everythin I say, question my actions, I hate who I am, I feel ugly and pointless and basically just an existence, in hurting so much right now but I know I need to stay strong… not for me but for our kids and I’m praying everyday that he doesnt try to turn on the charm again to win me back, hes made me so weak and reliant on his presence knowing I’ve got no one else, it’s his power and he likes to be in control,
I hate knowing that I am not the only one who has to live this hell hole experience but yet I feel so alone

[Lisa]

Hi Brokenmum,

First, I want to welcome you to the forum. Thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully this post will be the start of the support and understanding you’ve yet to receive.
Know that never is the abuse your fault, so try not to be hard on yourself for staying and wanting to make the relationship work. It’s positive to hear that you identify that what you have endured is control and abuse and you also seem to be wanting to keep that perspective. Start to focus on getting as much specialist support as possible so you can learn all your options to be safe and well from this person. He has made you believe that you need him. Be clear, you do not. In fact, abusers like him need you more than you’ll ever know. Engaging in support as soon as possible can also mean you can feel stronger and more confident in leaving and following through with some important life changes so you and your children can have a better life.
You can search for your local domestic abuse service here. This is a free service. Use them on-going as you need for emotional and practical help.
For a bit of extra emotional support over the phone when you need, you can try calling Supportline. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200, or visit their website at http://www.supportline.org.uk.
I hope you find this useful. Do keep posting and stay strong.

Lisa

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