Just had a thought

[Serenity]

I’ve just been thinking how we think our abusers are power figures, powerful beyond measure. This is because we let them in and trusted them, they invaded all our boundaries- our bodies, minds, and motions- and even controlled our daily living and our money. They tried to wreck our parenting ideals, isolate us from others, and caused us many emotion problems. So of course we then feel that they are people who are powerful beyong measure. Plus, they are dangerous and some might say powerful because they are such good and convincing liars.

But they aren’t powerful. That is just what they want us to believe. That is what they convinced us to believe. But it’s just a mirage. They are tiny men, tiny in every way. They go to the toilet just like anyone else! They might fancy themselves as gods in their own inner narrative that swirls around in their head- but we don’t need to buy that fiction! We don’t need to take a part in that dark fairytale! They are pretty poor human specimens, actually. We have more strength and integrity in our little finger.

They aren’t strong or powerful. They are needy and cowardly. What man gets his kicks out of abusing women and children in secret? A coward, not a real man.

A real man would stand in front of his children and take the fire from a gun man. A real man would protect those more vulnerable. A real man wouldn’t hide his true self from the public, and only expose it when he thought he wouldn’t be discovered.

A real man uses his strength to protect and make others feel safe. He used his strength to help others and buoy his family up. He doesn’t surreptitiously abuse and weaken them, and then lie about it.

Ladies, we need to own our power. Whether you have escaped or are still in your relationship, we must all recognise our own strength and integrity and not accept responsibility for their bullying, immature, cruel behaviour any more. They alone are responsible for how they behave. You aren’t responsible for fixing them.

[Grateful]

Very eloquent and so true.

[Jupiter]

Thank you Serenity for your very wise thoughts–I loved reading them! I agree with you 100%.

A well known feminist once said that women are blamed for mens bad behaviour and they have been getting the blame ever since.In the world of psychology men use projection a lot to avoid taking responsibility because its an easier game to play knowing that we tend to have less power socially and legally in a male society.
Sometimes I wish I were a dolphin or an elephant because these animals live in a female dominated world where adult males live as bachelors outside the main group of mothers and their young.
In some non industrial cultures males are put out of the family group by early teens as protection for the remaining family.It makes you think…
Jupiter

[Ayanna]

Thank you for this, Serenity. Such powerful words.

I remember how he shrinked to nothing when the police turned up.
All of a sudden he had no voice and was tame like a little lamb. I had never seen him like this before and could not believe this sudden transformation.

I need to loose this fear to run in to him when I go to places I like. Someone said to me that he will probably run away from me because I fought him in court and he has an order not to contact me.

[KIP.]

Ayanna, I passed mine recently from a distance and he looked fearful. He stayed still until I went by. I have (detail removed by Moderator) order and I swear he was trying to work out the distance. (detail removed by Moderator) X

[Author]

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