22nd April 2016 at 6:43 pm #14927
Just had to explain what’s been happening to my sons friends mum as we are no longer together. She’d “heard some things” this was one of the friends I lost touch with through my relationship. Never seemed to be time. She just looked at me with such pity. I feel so lost alone, pathetic. I don’t recognise myself anymore. She was nice but I know she was thinking “w*f”. She talked about how charming he could be. Will I ever just be me again it will I just be this victim? Small town I can’t get away from. I’m like a hermit crab as everyone is wanting the gossip. X
22nd April 2016 at 7:01 pm #14929LemonPieParticipant
I know what you mean. I feel ridiculous sometimes, how could a strong women like me be taken in by this man? I also get told that he was so quiet and charming. I think about moving but that would mean the children changing schools, having no friends around me, I just don’t know. I think we have to choose not to be a victim anymore x
22nd April 2016 at 7:20 pm #14932
She is actually a nice person. Caring profession, I don’t mean so much it was her. It’s just saying out loud it’s awful. He’s been in court so it’s all over the town. It’s not her fault I just can’t stand that this is now the person I am x
22nd April 2016 at 7:31 pm #14938
It’s just my daughter goes to school in the tiny village on the edge of town where we used to live, before I moved in with my partner. When i split with my husband we were the centre of gossip. When I got with my partner we were the centre of gossip. We only moved in together (detail removed by Moderator) months ago and I thought it was all behind me. Fresh start. Just feel so low. He is very well known so people looking to know what went on. He’s also wasted no time telling people what a nut job I am. I’m a very private person, never been one for standing at school gates although always offer help at events when needed. I just feel alone and a target and shame and embarrassment. I feel like they all are judging me. I really am devoted to my kids, couldn’t be more so and as soon as his moods impacted on them I left. They are three wonderful children that I would kill tigers for. Overheard a mother today as I drop my daughter off at school, her little smiley face saying love you mummy and this woman says, what a shame, poor kids. What she’s put them through. These are people that know nothing about me. Yet they are standing there doing this…why? X
22nd April 2016 at 7:52 pm #14943SerenityParticipant
It’s not your shame. As we are sensitive and not arrogant like our abusers,me worry about what people will think, but the shame is all on him.
Hold your head up high. You’ve done nothing wrong. X*x
23rd April 2016 at 1:44 am #14996Confused123Participant
Oh ive been there when people look at your with sympatheic eyes and face and all u want to do is burst in tears and think yeah this is what happend, its not our shame but i find with time i prefer not to disclose no details as it just sets triggers off, we know what we went through,it was blooming horrifying, i dont need people sympathy as they dont fully understannd anyway, for me it is about how i move forward,his wasted enough of my life
23rd April 2016 at 3:09 am #14999mixed-up mumParticipant
Hiya Escaped Not Free…….oh yes well I remember that terrible feeling….
When I left, I left out of the blue, with no warning, we’d been together many years, had two teenage kids, and I really don’t think anyone expected me to go.
I have a job were I have to meet with several locals every week, people I have known for more than half of my life, and I hated the thought of my marriage being local gossip.
I live in a quiet rural area, where folks have very little else to do, but gossip about peoples lives, so knew full well things were being said – and it didn’t help that the biggest local gossip of them all was my neighbour!!!!
I felt the shame of a broken marriage, the guilt of people thinking how could I just up and leave him with no warning …..poor man….. – but THEY had no idea of the truth, they did not know what had gone on in that house for years…..
It was even harder because he never physically hurt me – so there were no bruises for people to see, and because of the nature of what he did to me, I couldn’t tell people the truth, and most people to this day have no idea what I had to put up with, and why I left him…..
He had one ‘face’ out in public, and another at home…… people never saw the REAL him…..
I too am a very private person, and was very embarrassed at the thought y my private life being public gossip. These people knew NOTHING of my private life, and what me and the kids had been through….. who were they to judge….. I knew that it wasn’t ME who had done wrong – but nobody else knew that…..
So you have my sympathies… I know how uou feel…..
23rd April 2016 at 8:08 pm #15101
Thank you so much for all your posts.
I managed to pull off a sleepover last night for the kids, they all had a friend over, house full and they laughed a lot. Started antidpressants…something I never thought would be me but I think, well I know they are making me feel worse about myself to begin with. Thank you for your messages. Xxxxxxx
23rd April 2016 at 9:29 pm #15110KIP.Participant
The people who you love and care about know the truth. Don’t even bother with people you don’t care about. The truth always comes out and these idiots are left shamed. Keep your head high. You’ve done nothing wrong. Glad your kids are bring laughter back into the home. It’s a lovely sound. Well done you❤️
23rd April 2016 at 10:11 pm #15113StarmoonParticipant
I know what you mean… I’ve been isolated for so long. I don’t used social media because of the trouble it caused when I was with him… But I know he does and I dread to think what he puts on there. I half keep myself isolated because I hate explaining to people what happened. I bumped into an old friend today. I didn’t say much to her in person but she text me when I got home, asking where I’d been hiding, what I was up to… If me and him were ok etc… I didn’t know what to say… I don’t know what people have already heard- I also live in a small town. I told her we weren’t together, then he’d been abusive for a good few years, left me during a miscarriage. I know I didn’t need to tell her but I feel I have to tell people.. Almost as if I have to defend myself. Especially when people say ‘oh but he’s so charming and nice’.. Or ‘you both seemed so happy’. I’m sure they don’t mean to, but it makes me feel they don’t believe me and they are looking at me like I’m making it all up. X
23rd April 2016 at 10:36 pm #15114
Yes, like you I’m sure they don’t mean to but it’s as if you can hear all the judging going on in their heads. Again like you it’s not knowing the full extent of what he’s told people. If the lies to people in authority are anything to go by then the sky is the limit. He was always VERY concerned about maintaining a certain public face. Anything that threatens that I know will be most unpleasantly portrayed. X
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