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Re a previous comment from someone on here which I know was meant in a supportive way… but I’m so unsure that this was abuse… in years into working this out and I still just don’t know. Sometimes he’s come back to me and begged to come back, and other times I’ve begged him to come home- promising I’ll change and try and be different. Many times in arguments he’s said to me that he’s been trying to leave me for years but I just won’t let him… I don’t physically stop him… but I have pathetically begged him not to go many times. I’m really not proud of it… but I’ve literally begged him. And then afterwards he always says he does love me- but I’m just difficult to be with. I’ve tried to change and stop doing the things that make him leave but sometimes I don’t know what will cause him to go. It’s so confusing
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I think you mean incompatible? Maybe you’re both vulnerable people but his way if dealing with it is abusive and yours not. His vulnerability does not excuse his actions – he’s a grown up who makes choices like we all do. It sounds like he’s not owning his choices and, whatever way you lay the blame, this is making you unhappy.
If it’s easier use unhappiness instead of abusive. Are you unhappy? X
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I begged my abuser not to leave me. I wish I had just let him walk away now. I would have been free of him years earlier. But I couldn’t see the abuse then, I loved him and I thought I had upset him so much he wanted to leave me. I promised to try harder. I tried harder. I changed. I became meeker, more timid, more afraid. Sometimes I thought about leaving. He begged me to stay. He didn’t change his behaviour. Then we got engaged, I was in his eyes officially his, and he started physically abusing me. Then fortunately I got out.
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