Just need a virtual hug

[Startingtogo]

Hi there, I’m not quite sure what I want today other than a rant.

I’m out, safe and have had a Restraining Order and Occupancy Order against my abuse for over a year. I hadn’t physically seen them for over a year until the last few (detail removed by Moderator). My abuser has now started to live in (detail removed by Moderator) on the road into my town. I have to drive past them. They have also got the immediate houses supporting them and I’ve heard the police are aware.

I feel no need to do anything other than enjoy coming into my nice warm and dry house thinking they’ll be getting bored and wet.

I’m just feeling so angry that this is the state of life at the moment and that I’m still letting them influence/ distress me. Why am I still feeling like this, I was doing really well before my abuser has resurfaced, how do I move on?

[Bananaboat]

I don’t have the answer, I’m sorry but I didn’t want to read and run. It’s tough when something triggers you, especially out of the blue but I find it does eventually pass and you’ll realise you’re doing well again. It’s like the brain has to crash and feel that anxiety again before resetting itself and I’m finding overtime the days it takes to process & recover get shorter. Hopefully one day that person and these feelings will just rebound off us but for now just know it’s ok, you’re not alone and it will pass xx

[Lifebegins]

Hi startingtogo

Sending you a big virtual hug 🤗

Sorry I can’t be of more help as I’m out longer than you and due to legal proceedings, child contact etc I’ve not been able to fully move on in my life. So I fully understand how you’re feeling.

I was discussing this with someone recently who has been out of an abusive relationship for a long time and they assured me we will get there. They said what you have to do is carry on with your own life and try to get to the point that whatever they do is just what they do, and you treat it as just a chore for you to deal with i.e. cleaning the toilet. It can be a dirty job but you do it without even thinking and definitely not stressing. I really like that – and it made me laugh. So next time I face some abusive tactic to get me to engage, I’ll deal with it as I would do cleaning the loo. Boom 5 minutes, a load of bleach and then forget about it until the next time.

btw well done you on how you’ve progressed so far. You’ve done amazing ❤️Xx

[Decagon]

Huge (((((hug)))))) to you 🤗

It is tough, when triggers happen, he is never going to change, so accept this.

You have made your own life, away from him.

Our job, after leaving, is to live our life to the fullest, doing whatever we feel like doing.

Dipping in and out of the stress, is normal – for me anyway – it will get better, dealing with these feelings as they arise maybe the best solution. Be kind to your self.

Take care, and I LOVE the toilet cleaning analogy, I will use this one, when I have bad days!! Thank you for sharing. 🤣😂🤣

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