Just need some advice. Although I think I already know the answer

[peachycuteness1]

I will try and keep this as short as I can, and if anyone does actually read this to the end I am really grateful. I got out of an abusive relationship with my baby father, managed to leave and heal, although it took my some time. I still dont think I am fully ever going to heal, but I was in such a better place.
Fast forward, I ended up meeting a guy. Seemed really sweet, and we got along so well. After some time, we got serious and he met my family. They liked him.
One incident was when he wanted to (detail removed by moderator), I didnt want him too so he went mad. Started calling me all the names under the sun. He left, but he said sorry and told me that he just wanted to cause an argument to push my away. I understood. So took him back.
(detail removed by moderator) came and everything seemed fine, he came over to my familys house. Long story short, he accused me of being an (detail removed by moderator) and broke up with me and left. I got a load of voice notes of him calling me horrible names, and he was threatening me. Like an idiot, i got back with him.
Thereafter it only got worse. He woke up and seen a males name texting me, it was my (detail removed by moderator). He complimented a photo that I had took of (detail removed by moderator) he made me , he said “(detail removed by moderator)”. I even showed him the text. He was angry, and same thing again, called me names. Also threw me on the bed and slapped me across my face. Breaking my bed in the process. He left. I was horrified.
Days went past and he apologised. I told him I want to be with him but he needs help. He told me he would get the help. I tried to help him, in whatever way I could. But i didnt feel comfortable around him. So, one day he asked me to pick him up from (detail removed by moderator), I said yes due to it being so far and it was horrible weather. Whilst he was at work, I texted him saying I cant be with him anymore (detail removed by moderator). But deleted the messages before he seen them as he told me to never end it over text, s wanted to respect his feelings.
I went to go pick him up, and said I wanted to talk to him. I eventually said to him that I couldnt be with him anymore (detail removed by moderator). He got angry, assumed i was ending it because I was cheating. Again got called many names. I was driving and he began slapping me in my face, head. He ended up giving me a black eye, bussed lip, lump on my head….I ended up driving to a (detail removed by moderator) and was crying for help, a woman came over and (detail removed by moderator). I drove home.
I was due to go away in a few days, so didnt want to talk to him and just wanted to go away.
I went away, and he texted me whilst I was away, being really sorry, crying on the phone to me….
My heads was messed up.
Whilst I was away, i found out i was pregnant. It was a shock. I told him, and he said hed support me whatever. I told him if i kept the baby, I didnt wanna get back with him. I got back home, and seen him. He seemed very apologetic. I wanted to keep the baby but didnt want the baby with him, I still love him but after what he did. It just didnt make me feel right.
Of course, like n idiot i got back with him. I agreed to be civil for the baby. He didnt like it, he wished i lost the baby, threatened to kick it out of me etc.
As im writing this now, i am no longer pregnant. I miscarried. Im an idiot so I am still with him. Theres been no physical abuse since, however, i get accused of cheating if ive done simple tasks like shower, and washing my clothes. He will randomly act cold with me, then get up and start and argument. Moans that i dont give him sex when he wants it etc. Hes not like it all the time. He tried to break up with me because hes saying he dont like what hes done to me, or the way he has treated me. And he wants to work on himself to get better.
I suppose my question is, is he an abuser? or a n********t? or is he someone who is just struggling and is taking it out on me?
Shall i let him work on himself and go from there? Or is he never gonna chnage so I might as well just leave it.
He broke up with me, yet (detail removed by moderator) and stayed the night?
My heads up my a*s and I dont know what to do.
I dont speak to any of my family about him, or friends. They all hate him and want me to leave him. I have even lost friends because they dont know why I am with him.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi peacycuteness1, how awful for you, I am so sorry you miscarried.

I read your post and yes your partner is abusing you… hitting you and then saying sorry is meaningless, nobody has a right to physically harm anyone else irregardless of their past… N**********c Personality Disorder is a rare MH condition which only a medical professional can diagnose and normally NPD does not cause violence… your partner is abusing you and I am worried that you have desensitised to DA/DV, which is not your fault, non of this is your fault.

Reading what he has done to you..
He can be violent towards you
Calling you names, accusing you of cheating… all of it is abuse, I am so sorry.
You got out of a abusive relationship before, do you feel you could contact your local Womans Aid? They would support you if you are ready.

Is he like this with other people outside of home? does he hit other people or call them names? As my ex saved most for me, behind closed doors… proving he can control his moods otherwise he would have treated everyone the same, including at work?

Even if he was struggling it doesn’t give him a right to abuse you. He sounds very unpredictable and dangerous.

Keep posting ❤️
HFH

[Hereforhelp]

Also, I found the Book Living with the Dominater a very clear and easy book to learn what is abuse and what isn’t… when I read that book at first and I got onto the part which described a healthy person in a healthy relationship..well I was gobsmacked as my marriage and husband were awful in the end… yes he could be nice, caring and loving but always on his terms and usually with conditions attached.. ie, he was being nice there was an expectation for sex or sexual stuff, even if I didn’t want to have sex I would or do something else as I was trying to keep his mood calm.. I now realise I am not responsible for my husband or anyone elses moods/behaviour.
HFH x

[Twitcher]

Oh my lovely, my heart goes out to you, just wanted to send you a big, gentle hug and much love x*x

[Stuckinturmoil]

You need to get away from this vile bully. Do not feel sorry for him. Watch the (detail removed by Moderator) programme that was on tonight.

[Llgirl]

You’ve got out once you can do it again, you deserve so much better than this, it’s NEVER ok for someone to do any of this to you, physical & verbal abuse, my partner blamed it all on an illness and I allowed that behaviour, I see now there’s never any excuse for this, it’s abuse.

Sending you strength and love so sorry to hear about your baby loss x

[Author]

Posts