Just need someone to understand me

[Imawasteoxygen]

Hi I don’t really know where to start and if it’s even abuse … I won’t go into much yet as I don’t want to be a bore…. I am married thought it was happy in the beginning it was nothing but arguments do we both stopped drinking and things improved …. anyway fast forward (detail removed by Moderator) years alot of health issues later and here I am …. when I got with my oh I was completely honest about my mental health … anyway skip to the present life is toxic I have been my partner full time carer for (detail removed by Moderator)years now n I’ve stood by them n been there 100% I’ve ignored my health to care for them but my other half changed ….. always shouting at me but it’s my fault I have t o ask for a hug and then they still say no I’m in tears all the time recently I’ve started to stand up n answer back but just make things worse my oh hasn’t hit me but threatened that il get it if I carry on ….. I feel like I’m walking on egg shells all the time everything I do is to make the oh happy ….

There is lots more said but I don’t want to bore anyone I am just so lonely I have no friends.. never had friends ppl just don’t like me … my family live miles away and never see them I can’t tell them because I don’t want to b a dissapointment again that’s another story …

Sorry if I’m rambling I just cry all the time they want me move out they said we would get on better living apart but council Won’t help as I’m joint tenant…
I just want to feel safe I know I’m always b lonely but my mental state is not good atm I don’t deserve life if I did my oh would want me

I’ve never felt so alone I’m not perfect but if I’m with someone or Ur a friend I’d do what I could to see them smile

I know I’m not wanted I’ve tried talking but the oh won’t talk as its all my fault if I was to just listen and do as I’m told we wouldn’t argue there words not mine …..

Some days r ok but most are not I’m stuck in 24/7 cleaning or cooking or staring at tv … only go out to do shopping or pay bills

I thinking it’s wrong to put this up here as my partner hadn’t Bern physical but the more I read on emotional abuse it’s like reading my life sorry for making no sense I just got so much built up inside so many feelings and thoughts

Sorry for adding this post I understand if it gets removed I’m a waste of oxygen sorry again

[Anonymous]

Hi, You are not a waste of oxygen, but you do sound so very unhappy you keep referring to them rather than he and I wonder do you have another adult who lives there with you? What you are experiencing does sound like emotional abuse and this is only going to exacerbate your mental health problems. This is why you feel like you are not worth it when you really are. Having a disability and dealing with abuse can be so difficult and it must be very hard when you have to rely on the abuser as your carer?

Do you have a CPN or Social Worker that you can confide in? If not maybe now is the time to go to your GP and ask him to refer you. If you are able ring the Womens Aid helpline they can give you far better advice than I am able to . Sending you hugs and please keep posting xx

[Imawasteoxygen]

No it’s just us n I was such a mess typing I’m her carer but I’m also have disabilities myself sorry it’s a muddled account … I just want a roof over my head I can feel safe but I love her so very much n I try not to a annoy her I’m trying to only answer wen spoke to … I don’t have any friends I can talk to I know ppl who say hi … can’t remember the last person to ask how I am ….. I am a waste I’ve gotta be but I’ve have tried to make her happy n change what she said I’m too change but I’m still getting it wrong I don’t ask for nothing in life just to feel loved wanted and a hug now n again would b amazing but I know I don’t deserve a hug or attention

Tbh I’ve never felt so alone just wish I could afford to rent a place thank u for replying I’m seeing my gp this week and haven’t had a cpn in about 12 years now

[Anonymous]

I really think you need to speak to your GP and be completely honest about how you are feeling as it could be a combination of issues. They will be able to assess your situation properly and get you some help that is appropriate to your situation. With referrals to the right agencies things could improve drastically for you

It seems that your confidence is at an all time low but believe me when I say you deserve to be happy and not to walk on eggshells and to be loved. No one deserves to feel how you do about yourself right now. xx

[Ayanna]

Please contact your local Women’s Aid. You should not be stuck in such a situation all alone.
Discuss with them what you could do.
Rights of Women is another charity that has a lot of helpful advice.

Keep posting here and let us know how you get on! x*x

[Author]

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