Just realised I think I’ve been emotionally abused

[RedStrawberry]

So last year my husband threw (detail removed by moderator) at me after an argument, he then threatened divorce so we saw a marriage counsellor. When I said he’d scared me and suggested he needed help he laughed at me. For years everytime he had work stress he would get short tempered, he would call me a bad wife. I gave up my job to look after kids so he was sole provider, but on his say so I dealt with all the finances. When we had an argument he would come back with a list of things I had to do to be better, always at the top was more sex. He then would say he was drinking too much and instead of drinking he wanted more sex. He would say things and then deny he had said them or when I told him something and brought it up again later he would say I’d not told him that. He would say I was controlling when I would text him if he was late cos I was worried. He said I was gaslighting him, he constantly blamed me for things I had no control over. He would say I’m a good mum so he didn’t have to worry when kids were with me. I suffer with anxiety and every time I got upset he would mock me. Anyway a (detail removed by moderator) ago we had another argument and I had walked away he followed me a grabbed me by the throat. He let me go then left eventually coming back being very nice only to serve divorce papers on my unreasonable behaviour, including saying I was secretive with the finances. Im so confused I was ready to say we could work through things until he served papers.

[Lisa]

Hello RedStrawberry,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum.

It’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through, from what you’ve described in your post, your husband’s behaviour sounds very emotionally, verbally and psychologically abusive, coercive, threatening and controlling. I can hear how the manipulation may have made it difficult to recognise what was happening and potentially leave you feeling really confused.

It’s concerning that your husband has grabbed you by the throat, it sounds like the abuse is escalating and this action is incredibly violent. It sounds like he is creating a very unsafe environment for you and the kids, I’m glad that you’ve decided to reach out for support with things. What’s happening is not your fault.

You may want to consider connecting with your local confidential domestic abuse support service for advice and support, you can find your nearest one here. You could also access information via the Live Chat service, where you can speak with a support worker in confidence about your situation and options. The Live Chat can be accessed here.

I hope things improve for you.
Please do keep posting and let us know how you’re getting on.

Lisa

[RedStrawberry]

Thank you. I will definitely look up local support. I’m just struggling to know if anything nice he ever said was the truth or just manipulation to get me to do what he wanted. He would get angry if I stood up for myself or disagreed with him. I was starting to do this more as I was starting to get more confident due to techniques learnt from the counsellor. He wouldn’t admit he had any issues instead concentrating on trying to get me to change. Its odd though since he left I’ve felt the calmest I have in a long time.

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