Just want to vent

[Confusedandanxious]

Hi ladies,

I have posted a few times recently, i really have been pushed in many directions in a short space of time and i just need my feelings confirmed i guess.

I split from my partner at the end of (detail removed by Moderator), since (detail removed by Moderator) he has been seeing someone new who lives (detail removed by Moderator) away, i have had our son for extra weekends and currently every weekend during lockdown as in his words “you will cope mentally with lockdown better if our son is home with you”.

Anyway he is spending the majority of his time with his new gf and has met her DD, he has told our DS about her and he came home telling me hes getting a step sister the same age as him. When DS stayed with Dad (detail removed by Moderator) he came home to tell me that he has met the gf and dd over a video call.

I just feel like this is all too much so soon after our long term relationship ending, im sure he has plans to move there after xmas too. Its not that i want him back or another relationship but i am just feeling like i ended the relationship and hes off playing happy families whilst im lonley at ghome. Dont get me started on my view of getting children involved so soon as that is making me so frustrated too.

When my ex partner is back at his parebts he still questions me on am i speaking to anyone new yet (no) and se ding me sad songs to listen to about his feelings towards me and our relationship

[fizzylem]

A respectful co parent would have spoken to you about how and when to introduce his new partner; tbh I’m not suprised you are upset, better for the children if he forms this relationship in his own adult time, again, a responsible parent would want to make sure this relationship will go the distance before introducing the new partner to his kids.

My ex did this, (detail removed by Moderator) weeks after ‘seeing her’, I sent him some links re what is advised re how to handle this. It could be an idea to get a parental agreement drawn up, if this is possible, might not be if you can’t agree; cafcass can provide this service for you. You could also seek legal advice, and get a solictor to write to him, making it clear this is too quick and that you not in agreement with regarding this as the best way to handle it. You could call the NSPCC or cafcass and talk this through with them, find out what they advise.

The way he has discarded and moved on very quickly tells us there is more chance it will go wrong than it ever going right; it’s too quick for everyone. You know what it is like to be in a relationship with him too of course, highly likely she will experience him in similar ways, he is who he is after all and this won’t change. She needs to see him at his worst before making a decison to move in with him doesn’t she? But some women don’t consider this, think it feels right now or he behaves well enough until he gets his feet under the table.

Or you could roll with it and support your children through the difficulties it brings, with outside support for them and for you I guess. But if you do this I would suggest that you get proffs to document it all, so NSPCC, GP, childrens services; so that they can show what is happening; there is a BIG difference between what you say and what a proff says if you ever need this in family court. Be savvy, document and evidence everything.

I would try to protect my kids from this as much as possible, yes he has PR, but he’s not making the best decisions for his children is he. I’d try to get him onboard in some way first, agree a way forwards, but if not then I’d find out what else can be done. As the primary carer you are quite within your rights to ask that you decide a plan together and or that you do not think this is right for the children yet, down the line yes, but not at present x

[fizzylem]

Cafcass also offer a coparenting course; which might be helpful, would show him how he is expected to behave, ‘might’ help him think about how best to move forwwards. You both do it, online seperately; they would write to him to offer this if you request it, means he’s more likely to do it hey and you don’t have to get into it with him.

[Confusedandanxious]

Thank you so much for all of the information Fizzy. I will definately look into these suggestions although i think it will be more one sided as he doesnt ever admit that anything he does is wrong and will just avoid the person/situation that is saying it.

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