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My abusive ex managed to run me down to be a completely insecure and jealous person, mainly down to the fact that he cheated on me endless times and didn’t even hide this. Despite the fact I knew this, he would still call me “psycho” and insecure and make me feel like I was in the wrong. I am now in an incredible relationship where my boyfriend is the most loving, caring and thoughtful person I’ve ever met and makes me feel like the only girl in the world. However, sometimes, when I’m drunk (and I can’t control my emotions as much) I flip out over stupid things like seeing him in a photo with another girl. I know he wouldn’t dream of ever hurting me but I know I’m hurting him by acting in the way. Is this a mental health thing? How do I stop myself feeling this way? In my sober state it sounds completely crazy. But it’s like a switch is flicked and I get so jealous and silly. I need advice 🙁
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The obvious advice is to stop drinking. Alcohol is a mind altering substance. You’re deliberately hurting someone you care about. I wouldn’t ever blame my abuse for deliberately hurting someone else. It sounds like you know how you act when drinking. If you can’t stop drinking then perhaps counselling may help before you lose what sounds like a nice guy. It may also just be too soon for you to start dating after an abusive relationship. It takes a long time to recover our self esteem and self confidence.
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I’ve been with him for three years. We’ve got a house together and we have a fantastic relationship. This situation has happened twice in the three years and we go out as a couple a lot, most weekends. So it’s not every time. Which is why it confuses me sometimes. I tried a counselling session but didn’t feel it did much for me.
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Twice in three years isn’t a pattern so I wouldn’t worry too much. As long as your new partner understands you have had a difficult past. I know my PTSD could make me lose my temper for completely unremarkable events. Good domestic abuse counselling should be able to help you work through why you feel this way now and again. You say your ex managed to run you down to be completely insecure and jealous. The effects of abuse can leave us feeling this way for many many years. If you’re still feeling this way fairly regularly, even if you’re not taking it out on your boyfriend, it sounds like you need to find a good counsellor to address this. Ring the helpline on here for a chat. Popping into your local women’s aid for a chat might help too. Or speak to your GP. Never underestimate the trauma of being abused. Keep,the lines of communication open with your boyfriend. Maybe couples counselling but only with a good counsellor you trust. We need to be kind to ourselves and watch out for relapses in our mental health long after the abuse ends x
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I am not sure about this. And sorry to disagree with others but it may be useful just to consider a different perspective.
Are you absolutely certain there was no reason for you to be worried or concerned about the boyfriend with whom you say you have a ‘fantastic’ relationship?
I am thinking maybe your gut instinct is trying to tell you something.
KIP is right, this is so infrequent it is not a pattern, however I’m not so certain you would automatically need counselling. Maybe you have noticed something that is not yet in your conscious awareness. Good luck ftc x
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