keep thinking

[betterdays]

What ifs???? What if we would of moved out the area like we once planned would it of been better?? He’s all I’ve known 2 decades can’t sometimes see the light. So hurt with the way I’ve been hurt x

[Falling Skys]

Hi BD

I nearly drove myself mad thing what if I did things differently. It doesn’t matter what you did it wouldn’t have been right. Like you I’m a long termer and its very hard to realise and accept that we feel in love with a lie.

FS. xx

[betterdays]

Hi falling sky’s I’m heartbroken feel like contacting him but at what price? X

[I am better than this]

Hi bd
I’m with falling sky’s on this……its soul destroying to realise that what you thought you had with the love of your life, was all based on lies. I still cannot get my head around how wrong I was in my choice of partner and father for our son.

But I remind myself of how much of a lying front he put on, to be able to capture me that way. He made me feel that I NEEDED him to survive emotionally. I put up with everything just for the nice parts that I could kid myself meant more than all the bad parts. I didn’t realise that to feel better about life and in myself, I needed to leave him. I thought I just needed to hang in there for the trickle feed of niceties that would put me on a high for a while.

Having our son was the wake up call I needed. If he couldn’t be decent for our sins sake…..he wasn’t worth my life anymore.
In recent months he has tried his smarmy ways with me, despite having moved in with another cheating woman. But I don’t fall for it anymore. It does still make me feel good but it also makes me feel anxious. It’s that feeling that reminds me there would be nothing to gain by letting him in again.

Stay strong my lovely, you’re doing so well. And you deserve so much more than that in life. Xx

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Better Days, over the past (detail removed by moderator) months, every single day without fail I have thought about my ex, the first thought of the day and the last thought at night, normally dreams too. There has been times that I have felt so deeply heartbroken, the emotional pain inside has drained me and made me feel so empty and sad. I recently thought that during the time of separation and breaking away our emotions are so totally up in the air and mixed (some days I have hated him) that it is better to focus on why the relationship ended in the first place. I was sure, adamant and confident of my decision to end it, i didn’t really have any doubts. However, since then my emotions have taken over. I have never once thought that I made a mistake interestingly and I have not once asked him to get back together. I think with abuse something happens with our physical and mental health which makes this breaking up doubly hard. Can you try to ignore or work through these grief and sadness feelings, I guess they are type of cold turkey. I would never in a million years reduce myself to going back to my ex, no matter how heartbroken and empty I feel. Love, feel and welcome and do not avoid your suffering, that is what my favourite verse says. Then the power of the emotional pain is taken away and it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Healthyarchive]

“You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation…and that is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else.”

When I take this approach I feel that I can take on anything. XXXXXX

[Author]

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