This topic contains 6 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  thankgoodness 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #89294

    My child has trashed my house… he’s broken things smashed things.. it’s gone on most of the day.. it does most weekends… the last thing he threw was a mug at a wall… it just reminded me of my husband.. although my husband would do it towards me…my other child steps in but it doesn’t help.. it just makes things worse… I have asked for help.. I went to the Drs she told me to ask for help at school… I have asked others youth justice team, school, team around the family… but nobody is doing anything… tonight I almost called the police…. drs… or s s.. I couldn’t decide which would cause the less damage and decided they all would cause chaos…. but I called no one… I have havehad him causing so much trouble.. if I’ve tried to discipline him he’s become more aggressive and then I’ve left him alone so now he thinks that’s all he has to do If he becomes aggressive I will leave things alone which I have.. but he has destroyed the house our weekend and his siblings things.. he’s constantly swearing but he won’t take any notice of me..he has spent years watching his father behave like this…and being told not to listen to me.. I am so reluctant to call the police but I don’t kno what to do anymore

  • #89298

    Ring women’s aid. You need help with this. The NSPCC have a helpline, do you have a relative he can go and stay with. I found my son saved his abusive nature for the home where he thought he could get away with it. He wasn’t like that in public so he knew the difference. Ask a family member if they will take him and change the locks on the house. It’s not just you it’s affecting. Sounds like you’ve just swapped one abuser for another. Ring social services and see if there is anything they can do. It’s awful but my ex moved my son out to spite me but it was the best thing he could have done. I had to allow my son to do his own thing and I don’t see him anymore. He’s a grown man now and makes his own choices. You would think it would break my heart and I love my son dearly but I love my sanity and peaceful life too x

  • #89348

    Hi kip… unfortunatly I have no relatives were he could go and stay… no relatives or support at all… so if I ring he will go into care… and I really don’t want that.. obviously… that’s why I’ve held off for soo long…yes he knows how to behave.. just saves the abuse for me… I am sat in my car 1/2 mile from house.. I was sat in house he repeatedly asks the same question.. and then a high pitch whistle…. I am close to breaking point so I went to car.. to sit.. he came out.. I had to drive.. don’t want to go back…

  • #89364
     [email protected] 

    Ssss – i was the same didnt want to come home to my daughter eventually her behaviour was unbearable and on top off that very triggering because she was using all the tactics she learned from her dad. intimidating behaviour xx very hard road to go down – my parents were too old to deal with her so i had no choice but to send her to her dads. which i am ashamed off but i couldnt go on xx i think womens aid might be able to help you – i know there is support out there at the time like you i didnt know what to do or which way to turn xxxx i had to let her go but i often think where was the help for us its such a taboo issue but very very common xx

  • #89469

    it’s normal!

  • #89480

    Being scared of your child is not normal. A relative of mine involved the police and they were very understanding and had the number of a local youth charity that can intervene x ring 101 and ask for advice, perhaps walking in the house with two burly police officers might make him think twice x

  • #90385
     just breathing 

    Firstly to reach out is an amazing step so well done. It sounds like you do need support for this, he cannot continue to put people in fear – some abusers – I know very well – ride and feed themselves on others fear. You can try a communication approach; I have tried this with a teen – as there were lots of instances after spending time with father where her attitude was frightening, intimidating and awful. Get help first, a family coach may be recommended by SS – theya re there to help and it may take a big step to wake him up to his actions.
    Good luck and wishing you strength.

  • #97413

    Sorry about what you are going though Ssss. It’s horrible when our own family member is doing this to us.

    My brother and another person an ex-friend are abusive, perhaps they copied that from a male figure?? Or maybe it’s just their own abusive characters?? I don’t know. Because of all the abuse from people I thought I could trust, I have decided not to trust easily. I am single by choice because I want to break free from the toxic cycle that I have been seeing for years. I am getting help from support communities, they are doing a brilliant job helping me with the emotional side of things and to move on with things.

    Are you getting any emotional support through your situation?

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