3rd December 2023 at 10:27 pm #163795Birdsstillsing01Participant
My kid who is (detail removed by Moderator) is really struggling with sleep. We had a very definite ‘before’ life and now thankfully in our ‘after’ part of life. But he says at night he can’t distract himself from all the memories and feels weird so can’t get to sleep.
He needs me to physically be with him and will only fall asleep in my bed, holding my hand. I then move him to his bed for rest of night, but then he often wakes with nightmares and finds his way back to me.
I have a doctors appt booked for him and we have had support from child mental health team in the past
I guess I’m just looking for some hope from someone else who has been through this, that it gets better over time.
I’m now my kids solo parent and it’s exhausted doing this every night and means I get no time to myself in evening, as it takes over an hour to get him to settle then sleep. I’m then exhausted and then fall asleep soon after him!
It’s so tough to see the effect of years of abuse on your kids. I kind of don’t blame my kid for wanting to be close to me. He says I make him feel safe. I’m just soooooo tired.
Thanks for reading.
4th December 2023 at 6:18 am #163800browneyedmumParticipant
Big hugs Birdstillsing,
My children sleep with me every night. My husband still lives with us, and they both tell me that they feel safer overnight sleeping with me. So I’ve just incorporated all of that into our routine.
I’ve started going to bed earlier and then I wake up earlier in the morning for my “me” time, which I enjoy more in the mornings anyways because I’m not over-tired. An hour before bedtime, I put on nature shows and we watch and fall asleep together, often before the show is over.
I know it won’t last forever. While its winter and cold anyways, its somewhat enjoyable. I tend to reframe it as a bit of hygge.
School might be able to assist as well. The pastoral care at my children’s school has links to our local domestic abuse service and provide a couple of trained therapists to run weekly group sessions for children who have or are experiencing abuse. I think the program is called, “Freedom Flowers”.
Other sleep tips:
– My children have home devices in their bedrooms, so before they were able to call up bedtime stories on their device to drift off to sleep with.
– I also own a set of sleep-phones that also double as an eye mask. If I wake in the middle of the night, I’ll put on a sleepy time podcast to ‘hook’ my mind towards, rather than thinking about the challenges we’re facing. It helps me keep from having my mind go racing in the middle of the night.
– There’s a diffuser in my room where I’ll often put on lavender. I keep lavender lotion next to my bed to apply to my arms before bedtime. I also have a lavender pillow spray. Its just a bit of calming pamper and a bit of sleep training, in a way, to prepare my busy mind for sleep.
– Weighted blankets have become very popular and much more affordable than they were years ago. It applies a comforting pressure, like a hug. I noticed the children sleep more soundly and are much less restless overnight when they use those.
Hope those help!
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