KIP, coercive control follow up……

[Healthyarchive]

…..Dear KIP, I wonder if he has made contact via the solicitor purely as he is money grabbing, you know he loves money. Also they are by nature, unhinged with a permanent scratch inside that they need to itch, maybe he will forever just want to aggravate you a bit, just for fun (sick and tiresome, yawn!!!!!! but this seems to be their thing). Until they find someone they get more fuel from, then you won’t hear anything. The book Fuel by HG Tudor describes Fuel sources so well in percentages. An ex partner who has distanced herself and wants no contact is a source of fuel. An even bigger source of fuel would be someone he is with now & getting power from abusing. Road rage would be a small source of fuel and bullying your son would be a bigger source. But it seems the prime source is a current partner or an ex partner who is fighting him. Your not fighting him you are staying silent and in the background so this isn’t giving him much excitement.

You could try, when the order comes, to not get a new order & just see what happens. Maybe get some good supports in place, some family staying with you for example. But to see if he does do anything.

Is it so bad to keep the court orders in place for life? It will keep you safe.

I think once the ordeal of the court case is over so much will change for you and with your thinking. X*X

[KIP.]

Thanks. The Fuel thing is interesting. WA once told me whilst he’s still abusing me his new partner will be ok but once he stops abusing me, his new partner better look out. If I could get a lifetime order in place I would. At the very least a solicitor letter warning any contact will be reported to police. Part of me thinks if I give him enough rope he may hang himself but the professional advice is keep orders in place where possible. I think sometimes I have a false sense of security where in reality he would love to have another go. He’s an idiot.

[Healthyarchive]

Some of the things that you said recently made me think he is going to hang himself & come a cropper in court. Rejecting a decent offer and any evidence that you have show how he flittered away the money. I have hears before of abusers harming their victims many years after they split. Maybe you would need to keep the order in place for life? Would this be such a bad thing? Last night I was reading Fuel about hoovering. Sian Lloyd is currently on telly talking about stalking X*X

[Author]

Posts