Knowing it was wrong but still feeling the pain of loss

[WesternCloud]

Why when you know a relationship was unhealthy does it still hurt so to lose it?
I left for a reason, the rational side of me knows what I did was right but I still feel bereft, I’m so sad. Its like someone in a ‘normal’ break up would be devastated but if you leave an abusive relationship its almost like you aren’t allowed to be. “Why would you mourn the loss of a difficult relationship” is often how I am made to feel.
My heart is breaking but it feels like I have to do it all quietly to myself x*x

[Positiveandlookingahead]

It’s only natural to feel like this as you are trying to rationalise it and in the golden period they put you on such a pedestal you feel like no one has ever loved you in that way. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to mourn the relationship it is s loss to you. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. Take each day at a time baby steps first! You can do this we are alll with you xxxx

[WesternCloud]

Thank you for your kind words x*x

[Lightness]

WesternCloud
This is normal and understandable. You have to mourn the loss of the relationship you thought you had or that you wanted it to be x

[Anabela]

This sadness is what keeps me trapped in the relationship. I know it is unhealthy relationship. He has been so disrespectful towards me. I am so exhausted from his preaches and hours lasting monologues when he is angry, and makes me feel so so low. But whenever I started to sense, maybe this is it, I get so sad, and ask to try again. Only realising in the morning, that another mistake was made.
There are the good memories that keep me stuck here. Even though I can remember only a few…..

You did a great job that you managed to leave. You are a survivor! I can feel your pain of a loss. But you’ve gone so far, that you ended it. Best of luck!

[Abcd]

Just let it go and let it flow. Its normal what u feel. Cry it out if u feel like it. With my first therapist after break up we were practising mindfulness it help a lot with duficult emotions.Don’t judge them just feel them and observe. Fact ur missing him doesn’t mean ur going back. It’s just ur mind healing. It’s important step. Healing takes time. U will be fine 😊

[Finallysomethingclicked]

Hi great advice abc im recently out less than (detail removed by Moderator) and I’m feeling the pain too one minute I’m determined next I’m a sobbing mess, woke today feeling low and read your words thank you x

[KIP.]

Google ‘trauma bonding in domestic abuse’. This explained a lot to me and helped me rationalise why I stayed and why I grieved so badly. It’s all part of the path of recovery. Be kind to yourself and take baby steps X

[Author]

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