Lack of a positive male role model

[Memand]

Hi all,
I just wondered what your experience of men in general throughout your lives has been. I have only been in abusive relationships and have realised through therapy that the male members of my family were the start of it. I wondered if this was common to many of us.

[Finallysomethingclicked]

Hi memand

For me unfortunately it’s a yes my biological father, the father of my children and the worst my husband who I’ve recently left, it’s a terrible cycle I’m determined to end as I have (detail removed by moderator)boys that will never ever be like these awful men and thankfully they are proving to be beautiful young men they are so respectful and caring they are my biggest accomplishment them and my beautiful daughter x

[Confused123]

Hi

WHEN I left ex i just thought their were no decent men and they were all the same, x years on i look at my brothers in amazement how much respect and love they give their partners and even some guts i know they are just so caring and actually accept no, wassa total eye opener how some guys actually beleive in mutual respect

[Eve1]

Yes, my dad and my ex husband and someone I got involved with after him, all abusive relationships. Truly horrible and devastating. Wish I’d known about abusive relationships when younger, might have made a difference.

[Eve1]

That’s what I wanted to add, Confused, since my last abusive experience with someone I thought for years was a truly decent man, I see potential abusers everywhere. It’s good to hear you have first hand experience of good men.
I hope I can trust a man again one day
xx

[Ayanna]

Yes it is.
(detail removed by moderator)

[lover of no contact]

It was my mother who was my first abuser. And my mother abused my dad. My father was kind, caring, gentle, funny, sociable, intelligent, hard-working, respectful and loving. She bullied him badly. My grandmother (my mother’s mum) abused my grandfather badly. I remember him as a cowering nervous wreck, on meds due to her abuse of him. So it was the women in my family who were the abusers.

However, my first boyfriend was an abuser. My second one was normal and respectful. I went on to marry a hard-core abuser.

I work in a job with mainly women and their are abusive bullies there among the staff including my boss. The few male members of staff are all respectful except for one who is a bully.

Abusers can be male or female.

[Author]

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