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    • #118556
      Optimystic
      Participant

      Hi ladies, I’ve been trying to work on a note. It really doesn’t sit right with me to just leave without a conversation but I know deep down this won’t be possible. The note is giving me a headache. Worrying about saying too much or not enough, which will lead to more questions. Can I just ask what you guys did? Any advice for me? Also, I’m sick to my stomach that my son won’t come with me. And I know I have no rights to just take him. I can’t tell him in advance because he’ll worry. I’m just thinking about THE day so much and just can’t see it working out! Any help would be great. Thank you xx

    • #118564
      KIP.
      Participant

      Don’t leave a note. He will just twist whatever you say in it and you’ve probably said it a thousand times, he’s simply not interested. Wait till you’re free and safe. If you still feel like saying something then text and then change your number. Not sure what age your child is or why he won’t go with you? Just leave the door open for him. Make sure you have all your ducks in a row. Once you’re free your thoughts will change and will be occupied with getting on with your new life. It’s bound to be an anxious time for you. If the opportunity comes to leave early then do so x

    • #118570
      Optimystic
      Participant

      He’s (detail removed by Moderator) KIP. He’s said before that he wants to leave and that we’d need police on the door or we’d need to be packed already or he’d kill us. His rage and anger makes him think this. Christmas Eve was horrible. I got verbally abused and a cushion kicked in my face. My son just looked bereft. I said, after Christmas we must leave. That’s when he then said, no! I won’t go with you. I spent the rest of the night just focusing on him and trying to make it happy. We even went downstairs and all played a game together. He’s very confused poor thing.

    • #118571
      Optimystic
      Participant

      *I mean my partner’s rage and anger not my son’s x

    • #118572
      Optimystic
      Participant

      I’ve just emailed a solicitor! They’re closed so wasn’t expecting a reply, but I got a really kind one back very quickly. This has made me feel really good 😊 x. She only specialises in family law and has experience with domestic abuse. 🤞

    • #118573
      hop
      Participant

      Don’t leave him a letter the reason it’s wrecking your head is because deep down you know he doesn’t deserve an explanation and he doesn’t want to know why you left he’ll just use it to garner sympathy and support….don’t leave yourself open to it. Your son will understand after time. Dont forget he’s seen so much and his dad will be working on his head as well. Take care and good luck 💜

    • #118575
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi Optimystic,

      My heart goes out to you. This is so hard for you and confusing for your son; he may be feeling frightened about his future, which is totally understandable. He has been raised by a father who knows how to play on people’s fears.

      Well done for getting legal advice; you’re solicitor sounds wonderful. It will be so much better to get your son away from his father. I found out the hard way how much hidden damage is done to children with abusive parents.

      It sounds like your solicitor has your back; in the meantime, enjoy loving your son and please be ready for both of you to make a quick exit if necessary. xx

    • #118582
      KIP.
      Participant

      Take your son with you. You’re both fleeing domestic abuse. You’re allowed to take him, nobody would criticise you for this. Please get support from women’s aid. They may be able to give you a place in a refuge. Your son is scared just like you are. Once you’re both out and safe you can deal with his fears. It sounds like he’s just frozen. Talk to the police. They can take a statement from both you and your son and there are new measures to have abusers removed from the property. Women’s aid liaise closely with the local police so they should know the best way to facilitate this. Don’t give up. You will be believed and I’m glad you took that step to contact a solicitor. It’s empowering taking action but frightening at the same time. Keep going. I want you to be with your son in all of this and to get him away from his abusive father. Remember we minimise abuse and abusing you in front of your child is child abuse x

    • #118650
      Empoweredhealing
      Participant

      I don’t have any other advice besides what the other ladies have mentioned. Only want to add my voice in supporting you. You are doing the best thing possible in this situation which is to leave. Please take all precautions as abusers’ anger tend to escalate when you’re leaving. If leaving a note increases the risk to yourself then it’s best not to. He knows the reasons why you are leaving. Abusers make a choice to abuse. You are also doing the best thing for your son whether he leaves with you now or not. In the long term, seeing his mother leave abuse is the best lesson that a child can learn in these situations. Stay strong and never doubt that you are doing the right thing by leaving.

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