Laying low

[Missssy]

Hello ladies, I hope everyone is okay.

I just wondered if anyone has any experience of their ex partners laying low and then coming out of the woodwork later on again? Reason being that I have started to relax and drop my guard quite a bit because I haven’t seen/heard from him or any flying monkeys in a while (perhaps due to restrictions put on him) but I am just curious, if that makes sense?

Xx

[Ayanna]

You are right to be cautious.
That puts you ahead of him in the fight.
Think of things he could do and be prepared.

[SunshineRainflower]

I tend to think most of them try to ‘keep an eye’ on us from a distance because they see us as their possessions and hate losing something they believe ‘they own’ because they are not normal humans. My ex periodically hoovered me in different ways for months before police involvement, I suspect he would have done it for years otherwise and has probably been hoovering his previous exes for years before me.

Like Ayannna says it’s best to be cautious and prepared. I’m much more wary about giving out my number now, wary about locking windows and doors at all times, wary about where I go, internet security, phone security etc

You sort of want a very good defense system against them whilst also being able to relax and move on, a tricky balance but in a way I think it’s good to be more cautious. Most of us on here trusted someone who didn’t deserve our trust so it is probably helpful for us to be a bit more wary of people until they have proved that they are trustworthy and genuinely good rather than just pretending to be.

[Dragonfly]

Yes. After every discard I would get the silent treatment but only after he’d made it clear he ‘wasn’t well and just wanted to leave this earth’. Then he’d go AWOL. Later I’d find out that he’d spent several days propping up a bar with his friends, the bar staff! Then hey presto the hoovering and love bombing would commence.

I’m not with him now but there was a definite pattern to what he did. When he was on bail with conditions not to come near me he still managed to stalk via a third party. He was very covert. Always had a secret. I now know his secret and it’s pure evil. Don’t let your guard down

[Missssy]

Gosh, these people really just are like dogs with bones aren’t they?! I’m sorry you went through that. I too am no longer with the father of my child, and went no contact by changing numbers etc very quickly. Bail conditions seem to have held him back but there have been a couple of 3rd party attempts and one direct lurking around nearby. All seems to be quiet for the last while but I just never know whether to expect something else.

[Tiffany]

I thought mine had given up. He hadn’t contacted me for months since everything wrapped up with our flat and money and everything. He sent me a message then promising to never contact me again. I had just got a new phone, purged I thought every connection to him via the phone when a social media message popped up on my home screen. I had been thinking that the new number was an overreaction. It clearly wasn’t. I’ve blocked him on all social media channels now – I thought I had before but I had missed one. And with the new phone the only way he can contact me is via email, and I am going to change my primary account to a new one so that any messages from him go into the spam box with Amazon receipts and special offers. I don’t know how long it takes before we really can drop our guards but it is way longer than appears reasonable…

[Missssy]

Oh wow.. I’m glad you have managed to free yourself of him despite his attempts! It’s maddening how you think you’ve heard the last of them and just when you think it’s ok to relax they find some way to worm their way back into the picture. Social media is a tricky one as they can set up fake accounts etc but well done for sending his mail to spam!

I guess I should never completely relax. These ‘men’ don’t seem to want us to ever be free..

[Starmoon]

I was free from my ex for months while he was on bail. I didn’t hear one single word from him. Then when he wasn’t charged(not enough evidence 😡).. he contacted me. My confidence over it being abuse was low because he wasn’t charged, and he must’ve known this. He came back saying he’d learned his lesson and he’d changed. Silly me, I fell for it and here I am again. He said that whilst we were apart he would go to places he thought I mite be, he asked friends to keep him updated via social media of what I was up to… all this I found flattering at the time, thinking he must’ve missed me so much.
So yes, you can think you’re free of them and and they catch you off guard. If I could go back- I’d never ever have got back with him. Work on yourself so you’re as strong as you can be when he shows his face again.

[Author]

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