24th September 2023 at 2:37 am #161930StrawberryFeatherParticipant
For context, I was raised and abused by a n**********c mother. She’s done more damage to me than I can list down. One of the things she’s done was put me down for my physical appearance.
I remember a day from several years ago. Me and my sister (both of us still kids at the time) were hanging out with her and her boyfriend on a day trip. My self esteem was already in bad shape at the time, but I mustered the courage to wear a sleeveless top. For a while, I actually managed to forget my insecurities and have fun. Then halfway throughout the day, she pulled me aside specifically to tell me how bad my (detail removed by moderator) looked. She said they were (detail removed by moderator). “(detail removed by moderator)” It ruined me internally. It made me paranoid for the whole day + the months to come. It had me believing that I was unusually ugly. Only several days ago did I look back on the event and realize how manipulative she was being.
Exhibit 2. For many years during my childhood, she called me ‘(detail removed by moderator)’. Literally. That was her nickname for me, and according to her it was supposed to be funny. “It’s just a lighthearted joke! I’m just kidding!” – in a tone that implied it was ridiculous of me to be uncomfortable. I am genetically gifted with thick calves (from my father’s side) and my mom has made it clear that she thinks it’s a rather unappealing trait to have. Whether through backhanded ‘jokes’ like this, or through ‘advice’ like wearing heels so my calves look slimmer. That also heavily contributed to my depressing self perception. When I got old enough to stand up for my discomfort and ask her to stop, she fortunately did, but not without indignantly making a point that I was being petty.
Sometime in late June, I finally started seeking help. It’s hard to build what she spent many years tearing down. Today I’m happy to say I wore a scoop cut camisole to the (detail removed by moderator). This might be extremely trivial to everyone else, but to me, it’s a much bigger deal than I can describe. It feels like I’m taking a huge step in learning to love myself. I haven’t worn anything sleeveless in ages. It feels liberating
25th September 2023 at 9:31 am #161955LisaMain Moderator
Thank you for sharing this, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through and the huge impact this abuse and bullying behaviour has had on your sense of self and body image.
It sounds like you have made big strides in re-building a relationship with your body and it’s so good to hear that you’re taking such huge steps, such as experimenting with clothing and that this has been so liberating for you.
Do keep posting to let us know how you’re doing.
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