Leave me alone

[stronger than before]

its almost been (detail removed by moderator) years now since I realised I was worth more than being treated the way I was , I have 2 children to him who havnt seen him for (removed by moderator) years one of whom is scared of him because he saw the majority of the way he treated me ,and one who dosnt remember him , (removed by moderator) years on he’s tryin to gain access to them , and still trying to hurt me mentally and emotionally , he made a makin is call to social services the other week that really threw me back 🙁 i felt like the worse mum in the world even though wat he had said was lies ! I have night mares EVERYNIGHT that he’s coming for my kids , 2 weeks ago I hit a real low because of him and couldn’t take no more I had a mental breakdown and nearly commuted sucide , the only thing that stopped me was my boys , knowing that they’d automatically go to him , i have low self esteem , no confidence , paronoia , panic attacks , anxiety attacks , and now I’m on high dose anti depressants and diazepam, I’m just wondering does it ever get any easier ???????

[lover of no contact]

Hi Karma,

It really does get easier believe me. If you keep coming on here and sharing your thoughts, feelings and fears (like you have) and reading the other ladies posts you will get to know the abuser tactics and the games they play and as it is said, knowledge is Power. You will regain some self-esteem, confidence and worth. Other ladies have had the same fears that he would get the children, some of us have all been on the receiving end of the abuser’s false allegations and smearing of us to others and to professionals. Other of us have felt so low, so hopeless, so despairing that we have self-harmed, binged, overspent, overworked, isolated and attempted suicide.

You have come to the right place for support and healing. Just hang in there and keep posting and reading the posts and you will see you will be able to take some of your Power back. You will see that you actually are the strong one and he will diminish in your eyes as you see that he is just commonplace, nothing special, the same patterns and behaviours as any of our abusers.

[White Rose]

Hi Karma
You know why he’s doing this – it’s a repeated pattern of his previous abuse. You’ve had a “blip” it’s him that’s caused that not you.
Whose been looking after the children all this time? You, not him. Who was the abuser in your relationship?
Him, not you.
No one is going to take your boys and you need to believe that.
You’re a strong woman, I know you from before, I know you’ll get through this. Keep in touch without GP and keep in touch through here.
Give yourself a week if so and I’m sure things will feel better. If you have any direct contact with him end it – go no contact. If hes threatening and if he starts kicking off at your home ring police.
You’re a good mum don’t forget that and please take care good of yourself, make sure you get rest – go to bed when the children do or soon after and make sure you eat properly x*x

[KIP.]

Hi there, can you get back in touch with women’s aid? You need lots of positive support. He wants you to feel the way you are feeling. Try not to give him the satisfaction, he’s a pathetic little man, not the all powerful man you were with. He has no control. No influence and no right to be in your life. Stay strong. Don’t let him see you’re upset. That will spur him on. It gets easier with help and the realisation that you are the powerful one, you hold all the cards.

[Lisa]

Hi Karma,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. Just to clarify for the users who have kindly replied, this is a new user to the forum, not the other user we know with a similar name!

Karma, I’m sorry to read about the ongoing abuse your ex is putting you through and how it’s made you feel. Sadly many abusers use children as a way to try to continue to have power and control. What you have explained are common tactics for abusers to use. They are of course extremely scary and hurtful tactics and it’s understandable that his actions have left you feeling so shaken and low.

However, there may be some actions you could take to protect yourself and your children and to make you feel more in control. Here are some suggestions that you could consider doing at your own pace;

– Read about obtaining a ‘Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) on the NCDV website.

– Read about child contact and your rights on the Rights of Women’s website.

– Keep a diary/log of the abuse (include everything that he does) and it’s effects on you and your children; this could be helpful for you if you do have to go to court.

-Report the abuse with any professionals that you feel comfortable telling; whether it’s the police, nursery or school, a health visitor or a GP. This is for two reasons; one, for support for you and your children and two, so that it’s logged down for evidence if you need it in future.

-Get in touch with your local domestic abuse service for support.

However, please don’t worry if you don’t feel up to doing any of the above straight away, they are purely suggestions you could consider if you feel up to it. Be kind to yourself and look after yourself as much as possible. You have managed to get through these last very difficult weeks, which shows your strength. It can get easier, and getting the right support can really help.

Keep posting,

Lisa

[Confused123]

Hey HUn

Sorry to hear u going through a bad stage, please continue to reach out for support, this is the best way to keeping strong, we have allhad bad experience withour abusers, by talking to us ladies u will get reassuracne that u need. Rememeber they focus on breaking our confidence and self esteemm, please continue to love yourself and rememmber u are a good mumn and have been doing the best for your kids . Sorry to hear u were feeling sucidal , again please seek help, i remember after been a year out i went through a night where i could of hurt myself too, im immediately seeked help

[Author]

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