This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  JustHadEnough 4 days, 18 hours ago.

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  • #107982
     JustHadEnough 
    Participant

    I am putting in plans as advised by da team to get housing and benefits sorted whilst living with my husband. I know I can’t reason with him or have an adult conversation as he plays the victim or gets aggressive but I need to know how I can take certain things from the house when I leave. It will have to be done without him being around (which is tough as he works from home now because of covid ) is it best I employ a removal company and give them instructions of what to take or should I speak to a solicitor or the police (non emergency number) regarding getting access or approval of furniture and other stuff I can’t feasibly take with me when I do actually leave. The problem is I fear his nastiness will mean he will destroy all of mine and my child’s belongings out of spite and I would need a lot of big stuff ie freezer (for raw dog food) almost immediately but I physically can’t do it at that moment I leave. Has anyone gone through this and can offer advice ?

  • #107992
     Braelynn 
    Participant

    You absolutely need legal advice here. Have you contacted WA? If not, please do so. Do call the police as well. Do you have a place to go to? Please read this…..

    Making a safety plan

    Try this as well……https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid

    • #108018
       JustHadEnough 
      Participant

      Thank you both, no I’ve not spoken to WA just read a lot on the forums. Your absolutely right I do need advice and I’ll start my enquires as soon as possible. Yes I’m starting to realise I’m probably going to start from fresh just to be rid of him and all communications, although I will try the legal route first (detail removed by Moderator) then the threat of action may make him think twice (he’s petrified when I contact authorities as he knows what he’s doing is being highlighted) . Although I may just start to come to terms with living with it happening anyway and just letting go will be the freedom I’m looking for. Thank you guys

  • #107994
     Wants To Help 
    Participant

    Hi,

    The Police do not get involved with any civil property disputes/issues, but they should be able to attend to Prevent a Breach of the Peace at a pre-arranged time and date to ensure you and the children can leave the house safely with a few personal belongings that can go straight in to a small vehicle. Ideally you should arrange this with the Police at least 48 hours prior to wanting to leave. Your items would need to be pre packed and literally ready to go from the house to the vehicle. This would be likely to include a couple of suitcases/holdalls/rucksacks, car seats, toys, baby essentials like sterilisers, nappies, travel cot, changing mat. This packing will have to be done discreetly, clearly they can’t be all loaded up by the front door. The idealistic attendance for these situations is that as they arrive and knock the door, you are ready to leave. They will explain to your abuser they are there to facilitate you and the children leaving safely, you can then load up and be gone within 20-30 minutes. Your abuser will be advised to seek his own legal advice, but if he tries to prevent you leaving, or assaults you he will be arrested. Now, if he does do that and gets arrested then he will be taken from the house and that will give you some extra time to get someone round quick with a van, but that is not the outcome one would wish for or should be planned for!

    The presence to ‘Prevent a Breach of the Peace’ means that the Police can act and arrest someone who may commit, or threaten to commit, an act that could harm you or the children as you leave. What they can’t do is oversee/referee on whose right it is to take the freezer or any other items that are likely to be part of joint property settlement. They can’t be there for hours to oversee property removal even if there is an agreement that it can be taken. Therefore, they cannot turn up at the same time as a removal van and remain at the house whilst the removal firm pack and load items. Civil property disputes have to be sorted out between yourselves (which is basically impossible with an abuser) or post separation with a solicitor.

    What you need to ensure you do take with you is your personal items that are irreplaceable, valuable, of sentimental value etc. Sadly, it is highly likely your abuser will destroy things he knows are of importance/value to you, or sell other items to cause you further financial loss. This is a control tactic that prevents many ladies from leaving because they know they will face this loss, which brings me back to material possessions again. Is it better to live with abuse and keep your furniture, or leave the abuse and have to buy more furniture once you’ve left? Leaving an abuser is never, ever going to be an easy journey.

    Even if a solicitor was to draw up an agreement prior to you leaving and your abuser then got rid of things that had been agreed for you, there is not much legally that can be done about it, it still boils down to a civil property dispute.

    Is there any way that you can find out when he may be back at work and be there for a full day?
    Even half a day? If you can try and work things around a four hour window of opportunity that may be time to get a pre booked ‘man and a van’ so you can get some things out. But be aware of neighbours who may be nosey or suspicious and give him a call to ask him if you’re all moving or something. The last thing you want is him being alerted by someone that something is going on and he suddenly returns home.

    Whilst you think about all of this, just remember, if he does assault you or continue to use C&C behaviour on you in the meantime you can always report these crimes to the Police. He will be arrested, and if he is bailed to stay away, or given a DVPN/DVPO to stay away, it will give you a few weeks to make these removal arrangements.

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