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So for the last week I’ve been busy renting a new house for me and my son to move into, I had left him a few times before and always gone to stay at my mums but he always ‘won’ me back as I felt it a big pressure on my mum having us in her little home and taking up her space so I always felt guilty (and he normally promised to change his behaviour although it never lasted!!) Anyway I’ve taken the plunge and dived right in and I’ve been so excited at getting my life back and the freedom from all the ugly behaviour against my son that my husband wielded- anyway for the last few days he has recognised that something is different and started digging and I told him I was leaving- it was all up and down then with his emotions (playing the angry desperate husband to playing the poor me why would you hurt me victim) I pretty much understood what to expect with that….however today I think it truly has sunk in and he’s behaving very reasonable and adult like !! It’s the sort of behaviour he showed when we first met and each time I took him back- I know it won’t last however it’s making it now feel like I’m a bad person for breaking up the home and we could have it so good if I would give him the chance to change and still see him (even though he’s aware I’m moving out!!) at the minute it’s disconcerting and odd as all I’ve/ we’ve been used to for more than a year is full on anger. So can you see why now I’m feeling sorry for him / us / loss of the relationship?!?! He wants to still see the dog we have and try and build a relationship with my son (my son doesn’t want that and I don’t either) but I need to leave without feeling guilty or like I’m kicking a puppy !!! Help ladies I think he’s sending me off kilter and doubting myself- I’d prefer it if he stayed nasty so I could leave easier and that would be the last thing I’d remember and therefore far easier to stay away from. Help is what I’m feeling normal??
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Know exactly how you feel, mine is doing similar although not being nice but not being as bad as he has been.
It creates cognitive dissonance – look it up, I’m not sure I’m going to explain it very well. It creates confusion. It’s another form of control. I’m making sure I remind my brain what he has done by listening to recordings and reading diary entries and I’m listening to two really good books on audible over and over which is reinforcing The Truth. Healing from Hidden Abuse and the Covert Passive Aggressive N********t – the chapters that describe the character traits. It’s like having to unbrainwash your brain if that makes sense? And inject the truth in.
Any help? Xx -
You’ve made such a big step. If you go back you’ll kick yourself. Please persevere with it. Im sure it is completely the right decision. You got your own place for a reason. Think what made you leave. Maybe right down all the things that have happened and when you get a weak moment read them back to yourself.
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Your absolutely right I’ve come a really really long way but I’ve clearly forgotten how bad it was and been jumbled up with how good it feels now. I’ve tried to hide away from writing anything down from fear of I suppose opening my own eyes and fear of it being found by anyone. I think once I’m moved into my new home I will feel ok about it as nobody other than my child will be here with me.
Your right I wouldn’t have come this far without good reason and I can’t be fooled back again as it’s all a fake personality. Thank you
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