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So down , my cat is so ill I feared she was was dying so terrified to move in case I make her worse.
Then chatting to my mum she says she doesn’t want cat upset and then she fears my husband may do something stupid.
He did once before but it’s the last thing I want to be worrying about but her saying that is really getting into my head.
So I said she should be worried about my mental health staying.
Sorry needed to vent.I can’t believe she put that on my shoulders at this time.
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Hi White Walls,
I am so sorry to hear how stressful things are at the moment. It is unfair of your mum to put concerns of your husband ahead of your wellbeing. I hope it helped to offload on here. If you feel like you are in need of some additional support our Live Chat service is open every day. The Support Worker can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
Keep posting when you can.
Best wishes,
Lisa
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Hi Lisa thank you I will do appreciate your reply
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hi whitewalls
You are saying the right things, like your mental health is vital, and therefore so is your move. You are not responsible for anything your current partner may or may not do, and you need to live your life, not his, or your mothers, but your own, for your own well being.
I am so sorry to hear about your cat being so very ill that you are scared she is dying. I hope she isn’t, and can a vet tell you more about this, so you know how to manage her illness, or whether to expect to lose her as a result, and whether you have a decision to make to let her go maybe? All this will help you to come to a calm decision, and stick to your own plans.
You have it right though, you need to prioritise yourself, and I hope your cat can recover.
warmest wishes ts
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Thank you for your kind words she is slightly better thank you
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As I have pets of my own I feel so sorry for your little cat, I hope it does bet better soon! <3
You are just as right about your mental health. Maybe I am wrong but looks like your mother is worried about your husband’s well being and him doing something wrong? He’s a grown man, he is capable of making his own decisions, neither your mother or you should be worried about him. As long as he doesn’t hurt you in any way, you shouldn’t worry about him at all. YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT HERE. He is abusing YOU. You are NOT abusing him. Have you considered your cat might be stressing too if there’s a lot of arguments going on in the house? I have noticed that one of mine sometimes does something he knows he shouldn’t do after there’s a fight or too much shouting from my abuser at home, (detail removed by moderator). And it would never happen when it’s quite at home. I feel like they get stressed too. And maybe this is not making your cat feel any better and making it worse? I can be wrong, but just something to consider.
I hope you get out soon.
Stay safe. xx-
Thank you I think I need to hear this but also think it would ruin my life if he did something stupid 🙁
He is fragile himself despite being abusive
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I think its often the way White walls, and this is exactly the hook that can hold women to men who treat them like trash.
Its important to emotionally separate from his emotional abuse and guilt you carry. He’s an adult, and can find his own help, tell him this. If he threatens suicide it is best to hand that over to professionals, report to the police that you are scared he will harm himself.
You cannot stop him harming himself, but you can protect yourself and make it clear to him that you are separate from him and his threats, that you will simply report him to the police for them. Although, having said that, weigh that carefully with the safety element so you don’t risk your own wellbeing at his hands.
It is important that professionals know though if he is threatening suicide.
Speak to his doctor, or call the police if you think this could happen. He will get the support he needs, and you can know that is the end of any ‘duty’ you carry for him, no matter how fragile he is. If he is so very fragile it would be too much for you to help with anyway, he needs professionals. As the victim of his abuse, you are the last person that should be supporting his fragility. Does this make sense?
Please get your own support, and its up to him to get his. If he was to do the worst, that wouldn’t be your decision, but his alone. You cannot stop someone taking their own life, its theirs to do with as they wish.
warmest wishes TS
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