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Why do I keep picking the wrong person? Is it me? I’ve left one toxic relationship and seemed to move over to another. At first it felt so natural and normal. I’ve known him for years. I would have never put him down as the person that I now know him to be. I told him what I’d been through in the past, felt comfortable enough to tell him. Now he’s doing exactly what a previous ex has done to me but much worse. Started with being pushed in arguments, then grabbing me by the throat. I phoned the police on him and since then I thought things were better. He hasn’t touch me since until one night we went out. He got so drunk. He walked off and left me. I had to get a taxi home on my own. He thought I’d left him, because I’d managed to get home before he did and he just turned. Pushed me I fell and he kicked me several times. My face is bruised what am I going to say to people? What do I do about work? I’ve never been assaulted by the way he assaulted me and this is by the person who claims he loves me so much. I feel so trapped. I don’t know what to do. I know I need to leave the relationship but part of me wants to believe that he won’t do it again. He’s showed remorse, he’s been in tears and has said he can’t believe he’s done that. He’s never done anything like that before. He’s said he’ll make sure nothing like that happens again. How can I believe that though, when it’s just got gradually worse.
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I think deep down you know the answer. Reflect on your last relationship and see if you can point out any similarities.. Any man who attacks his woman does not love or care for her at all. You know what you need to do and I hope you find the strength and courage to do it. In the mean time, you can always come and vent on this forum. Big hugs x
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Thank you. I just feel like I’m never going to find my person. All my friends are settling down and having babies and I’m stuck in this rut of getting into toxic relationships. He said he couldn’t even remember what he’d done. I’ve still got bruises all over my face. I feel so trapped. He said this morning I made out like he was one of those boyfriends that beat their girlfriends and he wasn’t like that. And when I pointed out the bruises on my face he said it’s not even that bad when I cover it with make up. Yesterday and on Sunday he was really apologetic and this morning he’s making me feel like I’m overreacting.
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This is abuse.. you need to find the strength to free yourself from this man. I know it is incredibly difficult but you will get there. We all have our own journey and only we can make the decision for ourselves to leave an abusive partner. You need to remember what happened to you was real, it happened. Do not allow anybody to make you feel like what happened was insignificant. Ask yourself this: can you tell your friends freely about what he’s done without them being horrified for you or calling the police? Do not allow him to minimise the situation and make you feel like this was your fault. Please look after yourself and build up the courage to leave. It almost never gets better…
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Did you have therapy or counselling after your 1st toxic boyfriend? Did you have an abusive childhood? I ask because I had a terribly abusive childhood. I went on to have numerous abusive relationships with men and friends. Friends weren’t physically abusive, but were not good friends. I swore after my mother didn’t leave her abusers I wouldn’t put up with the same. (detail removed by moderator) beat me up and attempted rape because I’d fallen asleep, I went back to him. He swore he’d have counselling etc etc. he was apologetic. (detail removed by moderator) I’m still having unresolved trauma therapy. If you don’t leave this man he will hurt you again. He’s trivialised what he did to you. Don’t let peer pressure make you accept an abusive relationship. Until you love yourself first and can be alone you may continue to attract abusers. I hope you seek help to leave this jerk.
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