Leaving plan but feel so sick coming to the lead up of leavinb

[Zebra]

I’ve been married for (number removed by Moderator) years now, and realised how abusive the relationship has been mostly emotionally with name calling belittling and recently threats and shouting. I’ve got a good plan in place but feel physically sick as the time to act comes up. I feel almost like a horrible sly person because I need to do a lot of things behind his back without him knowing or realising. And I suppose I feel on edge because if I get caught I better be ready to call the police because the reaction I will get will not be good. Just very very nervous about it all because I’ll be in the same house and would have just packed his stuff and forced him out. He can turn up any time he wants and say he wants to see the kids… feeling all over the place. Can anyone who has got out recently advise or give me some hope. Feels like I’m on the edge about to tip… just hanging on in there

[Marmalade]

Hi Zebra well done planning your exit. It’s so hard to do.
Im a bit confused by the plan though so thought it might be worth mentioning a few things as I wouldn’t want you to have problems. I think it is worth getting some legal advice from a solicitor to check what you can legally do.

I presume the house is your matrimonial home and you either rent or own it? If your plan is to pack his bags and possibly change locks on the matrimonial home then you need to be very careful. My understanding is that I think you both have the legal right to occupy the matrimonial home and not be excluded,  so he has a right to re enter unless there is a court order in place stopping him. That’s not just a right to enter to see his kids, but a right to occupy the home.

Please check your legal position with a solicitor. Some solicitors offer the first 30 minute appointment free. You can also try ringing the Rights of Women family law helpline. It’s only open a few hours each week and it’s very difficult to get through but it’s worth keeping on trying as they are very helpful.

Good luck with everything.

 

[Firsttimedivorcee]

I agree with the above comment. If you are joint tenants, he can actually get you into trouble so find out your legal position because he can even make a claim for occupational rent.

it is brilliant that you have a plan for him to leave. I would involve the police now and tell them your plan. They can put a pin on your location in case you do call in trouble. The fact that you are worried and feeling sick tells me this isn’t a good relationship. Ultimately, you don’t want to be ‘sly’ or plan behind his back, but you’re scared of him so you’re not wrong. Just make sure you don’t get yourself in to any trouble on a legal front x

[Author]

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