Leaving tomorrow

[CuddlyCandy]

Quick history: I realised 2 weeks ago that my long marriage has been subtly emotionally abusive/coersive since the beginning.
I’m lined up to leave our home (detail removed by moderator) (with our daughter) and move in with my very supportive parents. I’ve been sending things up to theirs that he won’t notice are gone, but tomorrow I move the rest of it while he’s away. I then have to break the news to him on (detail removed by moderator) evening when he returns. I feel so bad, I think it will be a real shock for him, and he’s in a good place at the moment so I fear it will really upset him. It would be easier to leave if he was being his worst self at the mo! It feels such a rubbish time to do it soon before Christmas, but my daughter reminded me it’s never going to be a good time. Praying it will shock him into changing, or at least not be as bad a reaction as I’m fearing!

[Intr0vert]

Best of luck with everything and I hope it goes smoothly for you.. If you are unhappy, no matter the circumstances you should never feel obliged to stay with anybody, especially someone who is abusive and coersive.

[Dumplin]

Hi @cuddlycandy, your post reminded me so much of my own situation, I think my children may be younger than yours and my family are miles and miles away so I need a bit more time to plan.

One think I did do is reach out to get some support and they have been so helpful, getting me to think about lots of things I had not considered which gives me the confidence to keep moving forward. Maybe some kind of support would be helpful to you too?

Are you going to tell him face to face or over the phone? Maybe have someone else with you if it is in person, to support you?

Anyway wishing you and your daughter lots of luck over the next few days, I hope it all goes smoothly and you can begin your next chapter with a new sense of freedom.

Take care
Big hugs
Dumplin

[swanlake]

It’s great that you have supportive family.
Apparently it’s a common tactic for abusers to turn the abuse off and on to keep people confused so that they find it hard to leave. Whether someone is turning on their charm or dishing out their worst abuse, that are still abusive.
Take very good care of yourself.

[CuddlyCandy]

Thank you ladies, I appreciate your comments! I have removed everything I need today, and will be telling him tomorrow when he is back, over dinner. I have no idea how he will take it. Praying that it won’t be too bad!

[Polardog]

You’ve got this. I am so glad your family and daughter are supportive.

[Author]

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