Leaving when you have a baby and married

[Mellowyellow]

Hey, i just wondered if anyone had any positive stories about getting out when you have a baby? Or kids? I’m so worried about starting again and I’m newly married. I feel like a failure and I am so worried about how he will react when I’ve gone. As in I’m worried he’ll try and get joint custody and that would break my heart. We have the best bond and he’s not much of a dad, just gives her a kiss or cuddle for five mins then hands her back so he can play on his phone or have a cigarette. Im almost staying cos it’s easier this way to pretend to play happy families. I know it will be better for her in the long run if we leave. And me as I’m so stressed I keep screaming if she cries and I bang the wardrobe doors. It’s just where I’m at breaking point, I feel so on edge where I have to maintain a perfectly clean house or I get told off or I’ve not fed her different food to the day before or again I get told off or criticised.
I did speak to a lovely lady at women’s aid who said we could arrange dates for him to see her but i have a feeling he’ll push through courts. Thank you all x*x

[Muna]

I will be following this as I’m in the same situation. Wish I had some answers for you. I’ve also tried to play happy families just because it seems easier but it just made me more vulnerable and he took more control of the relationship. The only way to a happy ending is out but it’s so hard x

[Falling Skys]

Hi MY

I can’t comment on getting when the children were little. I was married for better and worse, sickness and my health.

I was in a knife edge cleaning till the three in the morning as what I did was never good enough. It was always a mess I can see now he sabotage what ever I did.

Being on a short fuse I shouted at my children more than I should.

My children are now adults we are devorced sadly in the same property till it sales. He has turned the children against me so I have lost them. Hopefully in the future they will realise what he like.

Also my son is turning abusive my daughter has one destructive relationship after another. Part of me me blames myself because I stayed I made his behaviour acceptable and normal.

Please don’t feel a failure or blame yourself for his behaviour he is responsible for his actions.

With this in mind get advice from woman’s aid, legal advice about your opinions. Each of our cases are slightly different then you can make an informed desision.

Good luck and stay strong.

FS xx

[Mellowyellow]

Thanks both. Muna have you made plans to leave?

It’s so tough to actually go. In your head you think it can be made better but deep down you know they won’t change. So hard.

I news to go for the sake of my baby. Falling skies that’s so sad. I’m sure your children will realise you’re not the bad guy one day
Why do they get us to clean everything?! I’m so drained, physically and mentally. I too feel vulnerable Muna.

X*x

[Falling Skys]

It’s to show domanance over us. Control belittling what we do stops us from doing anything else. They can control our movement’s with out asking what we are doing. Also keeping us in a state of exhaustion stops us questioning things.

And that’s the top of the iceberg.

Thank you for you kind words regarding my children.

FS xx

[Ayanna]

Hi, even when it is hard, you should not live like that.
Consider going into a refuge and prepare yourself for a hard fight.
Those abusers are not stepping down. They hard to battle.
But you are a woman. And women with children are hard soldiers.
Chayn Labs has a guide that could help you gather evidence of his abuse for the courts in a systematic and legally recognized manner. Have a look at it. It may help you stay organised when it is the hardest.

How To Build Your Own Domestic Violence Case Without A Lawyer

Think how much better the your future will be when he is not in your both lives. x*x

[Mellowyellow]

Thanks FS and Ayanna.
Yes I need to make a plan. I feel like I’m losing friends and it is really getting me down. We have admitted we aren’t happy and don’t get along yet it’s all my fault as ‘i don’t use common sense’ and walk the grass into the house and don’t do my share of the house work etc. Even though I pretty much do it all and look after the baby!
That’s really helpful Ayanna. I will read that and build a case. I’m so worried, as I have no evidence that he’ll try and see the baby a lot and will still dominate my life. I’m not scared he’ll physically hurt me just emotionally of that makes sense? Wish I had text messages but I always delete any horrible ones as they make me sad and now he doesn’t send any. Probably cos he knows I’d save them.
Love to you all xx

[Author]

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