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I’m not sure how I am feeling at the minute.
I was with my abusive ex for (detail removed by moderator) He left last march and tried to kill himself.
After it was found out he might of stolen alot of money from my family.
(detail removed by moderator)
Realised the emotional ebuse to me and the kids.
Since then we’ve lifed apart, but been on and off. So I could see my step daughter and keep our family of 4 together.
He’s got angry me and still treated me the same.
(detail removed by moderator) I refused him sex. He acted nice.
(detail removed by moderator)
He eventually sceard me back to him
(detail removed by moderator) I let him have sex with me.
It wasn’t rape because before I hinted for him to bring condoms. Because he’s been trying to get me pregnant even though I’ve said no.
I knew I would have to let him, because he would ruin Christmas if I said no. And be awful. And the girls wouldn’t see each other.
I just laid there. I didn’t even no he hadn’t put a condom on until the end.
After he left.
I cried all night. And it broke me. I acted fine over Christmas (detail removed by moderator)
But I couldn’t let him touch me or look at him the same.
Someone asked me out for coffee and I agreed. I’m dating this person now.
It made me realise I could be loved in a non toxic way. And hope.
I finally ended everything. (detail removed by moderator) my ex gave me an ultimate as he does all the time to control me.
But I finally said no.
And have for a month.
I was a mess from the (detail removed by moderator)
Everything came down.
But luckily before I did something stupid which I nearly did. I told .y friends. And they helped me.
But now. I’m broken and happy.
I don’t no how I feel.
I haven’t said no to my ex for this long. So I’m feeling scared of what he might do. I’m co parenting separately. And it’s hard to finally let my daughter go and be a separate family like this. I haven’t seen my Step daughter I’m over a month and it was (detail removed by moderator) I properly saw her.
I’m griving losing her. And my family.
I’m liking the new guy I’ve met, I’m worried I’ll get hurt again. My biggest fear is my ex finding out about him. -
Hi Pepperspray,
Welcome to the forum. It’s positive that you’ve realised you experienced abuse, but processing that can be really difficult and take time.
Asking him to bring condoms is not the same as consenting to sex. Even if you had consented, you can change your mind at any time and you certainly didn’t consent to sex without a condom. Sex without consent is sexual violence. Rape Crisis have some really helpful information about consent on their website. They also have a 24/7 anonymous Support Line (phone and webchat) if you wanted to discuss what happened further and get some specialist support.
You could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. For some ongoing support, you could contact your local domestic abuse service and do keep on reaching out here.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
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