25th March 2023 at 1:11 pm #156826
I can’t believe it’s been over ten years since I left my abuser. I never thought I’d move away from the city I grew up in; drive a car and even have a holiday. Most of my abuse was economic coercion and physical and emotional abuse. I have good and bad days, which I think is normal for anyone that’s been through domestic violence. I believe the trauma of domestic violence should be categorised in the same terms as a veteran that has returned from a place of war. The displacement, alienation, and of course, the poverty of leaving and being faced with discrimination at all levels of society. I had to pretend for years that my marriage was a happy one, my abuser was good at keeping me where he wanted me until his needs were met. It took me to have (detail removed by Moderator) miscarriages and complete a counseling course to realise that I was in an unsafe and unhappy marriage. Sometimes I have these awful flashbacks and have to remind myself that I am not where I was over ten years ago. I really didn’t think I’d ever leave him and then he dumped me again over (detail removed by Moderator) to be with his ‘new supply’ and I wanted my life back. Once I changed the locks the drama of trying to leave unfolded.
I don’t want to dwell too much on it, as I am so lucky to be alive today. I also want to focus on my future now and next week I’ll be traveling again to hopefully complete my (detail removed by Moderator) solo holiday. It will officially be the (detail removed by Moderator) holiday I have ever taken without my abusive ex-partner and my abusive family. Wish me luck and thank you for reading a part of my story.
25th March 2023 at 2:11 pm #156828Twisted SisterParticipant
I hope you have a wonderful trip and enjoy the break and new experiences. You’ve come so far and sound so upbeat, despite there being still some down times.
It just shows how it can be done.
27th March 2023 at 5:43 am #156887
Thank you, TS for your message. It’s a huge step to be there yourself when you’ve experienced so much abuse. I’ll be thinking of you whilst I’m away.
27th March 2023 at 4:48 pm #156905Twisted SisterParticipant
Leave it all behind, and focus on you, all of it, love it, soak it up and have it for yourself, this is what you worked so hard for, be selfish with it, it’ll be so good for you.
I had meant to say how much I am in agreement with you about your #DAiswaronthefrontline comment. I have long thought this. There is no home leave, no stepping down, no medical retirement from it, its 24/7/365 PTSD inducing continual war-zone, always on alert, always trying to survive, with no military intelligence to assist, and no fighting comrades or allies. We are all battle weary, and there’s no huge charity supporting the DA sheroes with post-war stress disorder.
27th March 2023 at 8:18 am #156890beachhutParticipant
Morning weather. I am so pleased that you are moving forward and I hope you have a really lovely holiday and a nice rest, the toll that abuse takes on us no matter what kind has longer term implications that most people ever realise but are present in our lives everyday. I have been out for quite a while now and hope that I can follow your example and make that solo trip one day. Have the best time you can and take care of you. beachhutXx
27th May 2023 at 7:18 am #158738
Thank you for your last message. Yes, PTSD can be a real struggle and I’m still trying to find ways to cope. I have found peace in changing the type of music I once listened to and I especially love classical music without the added burden of listening to lyrics that bring back harsh memories. Please keep in touch and update me as to how you’re thriving. Yes, like a thrive and similar to those lotus flowers that grow out of muddy waters.
27th March 2023 at 9:04 am #156893Footballfan1Participant
Thank you for sharing your story.
It is wonderful that you are travelling on your own.
I would love to do that one day too.
You are right, it is normal to have good and bad days.
We need to remember that goof days always follow the bad.
I’ve been out for under a year, and I totally agree with you that the trauma we endure, is like war.
The PTSD is horrific.
I had never suffered mental health issues before, even through the decades of abuse, I was in survival mode and was never depressed.
I was busy with my life regardless of being controlled.
After I left, it’s took me months to come through the ptsd, I had a bad spell of disaccociation.
Fingers crossed, I’m out the other side now.
It is still early days, I am on a waiting list for trauma therapy.
I’m hoping that keeps me above the ptsd.
Take care and thank you for sharing, I am grateful that you did. xx
27th May 2023 at 7:25 am #158739
Dear Footballfan 1,
Thank you for your message. It means a lot to me. The first year was the most difficult for me, as I was convinced I was making a big mistake and rebounded on so many occasions until I finally took the big step in getting away from my abuser. I also endured decades of abuse and threw myself into my work until it all caught up with me. I am safe now, which I’m so grateful for. Please keep messaging and sharing parts of your story. I really hope your trauma therapy goes well and that you find some form of comfort from it.
Take good care.
9th October 2023 at 3:35 pm #162260StrongLifeParticipant
All there services are severely underfunded which makes it harder, long waits list and government processes compound issues. I have been lucky to get help. It has seemed to improve over the years.
I too feel I am coming to “move on step” after so many yrs. Understand your post.
10th November 2023 at 11:29 pm #163090LostnaloneParticipant
It’s so reassuring that there is light at the end of the tunnel!! I newly out. I’m not on my own in ere when I log in .xx
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