Left but he keeps getting overly emotional

[Jeeves]

Has anyone had this it’s so distressing? I left we are sharing custody of our little girl, it’s been hard but I am standing my ground.
On a few occasions I have gone to collect her and he has become overly emotional , crying uncontrollably. That he is punished enough ,I am not punishing him I left for myself and my daughter. It’s like he has an emotional explosion and I end up not being able to go until like 3 hrs he goes on so long and says things like he wants to run away , he is at rock bottom etc. It is causing me great distress. Then he went to my (detail removed by Moderator) house and confessed and how sorry he is all that jazz, she sent me an upsetting message in summary he is sorry take him back. This really upset me as he has been sorry before and he always is abusive again. To be honest I think all the pain and horror he has caused me I don’t think I love him in that way and nor did he love me , you don’t do those things to people you love. Just wanted to know if anyone has experienced these crying outbursts. Any advice ?

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Jeeves

I am sorry to hear you under suffering such distress and emotional blackmail from him after being so strong and stepping away for both your sakes to keep you both safe.

It is common for the emotional blackmail, and also for escalation of violence too, they will try anything to coerce you back. What he is doing is abusive to both you and your child, despite being separated, and that is also common.

Please don’t be feeling its just you, it really isn’t. Have you tried the Freedom Programme? It may be helpful in showing clearly the tactics that abusers use, and you would be with other women in chat groups to discuss the issues as much or as little as you want.

You and your child deserve to be safe, and it may be necessary, in order to avoid any more of his behaviour/abuses, to change the arrangements so he can’t use any contact as a means to get at you both. Maybe someone else could help out with drop off and pick up arrangements? Or somewhere neutral to meet outside in a public space, a library might be a good idea as its so quiet, yet populated. Use a book to handover any issues that either need to be aware of, problems or dietary needs, meds, etc.

Its obviously not working for you at the moment so I hope you can find a way of doing the contact handovers safely. Do you believe that your child is being subjected to this when he is alone with her also? If so, this is something to raise and if he can’t stop, then to keep your child safe from emotional/psychological abuse you may need to arrange supervised contact?

You have done so well and been strong to get to this point.

warmest wishes

ts

[Jeeves]

Thank you for your response and help. I am currently on the freedom programme it’s really great and eye opening . I am trying to stay strong. It’s really hard the constant pressure to give him another chance . He says I am not giving him a chance , trust me , he has had many. He is pressuring me to make a decision on whether we are getting divorced or not. Statics and my gut said he has not changed only on Wednesday did he try to get me to come home suggesting he was going to run away and do something . I totally called his bluff.

[Twisted Sister]

I do trust you, completely, there’s no doubt in my mind that you have given him the benefit of the doubt on endless occasions. I know because I’ve done it too, and many here have too, its part and parcel of the abuse. He does it because he knows, on past experience, that you have, so presumes you will keep doing it, because he makes you feel guilty if you don’t. You don’t have to give him the benefit of the doubt in any way. Stick to your gut feelings and instincts.

Yes, th Freedom Programme is quite the eye opener! Especially when you realise all the women around you are going through the same, often wondering if they are all with the same guy! Thats because there’s a pattern and tactics commonly used. I’m glad you have that, it was a huge help to me It literally got me off the floor.

If he threatens to run away, especially if he was meaning absconding with your child, then its important to alert the police. Do you ask the facilitators at the programme on where to go with some of this, they will have link locally that could help you too.

warmest wishes

ts

[Author]

Posts