30th December 2015 at 8:48 pm #6815
Has anyone been through legal planning?
I need to attend a planning meeting and have been told to seek independent legal advice.
I’m trying so desperately to do the right thing by planning to leave but it’s so life changing and scarey.
I think my partner is going to lose it when he finds out about this but it’s only because my daughter had disclosed how I got covered in bruises.
I think he is going to seriously hurt me when he finds out 😢 X
30th December 2015 at 9:07 pm #6820Falling SkysParticipant
Not heard that expression, I did go a solicitor that gave the first meeting free.
I have just googled legal planning and they explain what it is, looks like it will put things in place to keep you safe.
30th December 2015 at 9:18 pm #6822
I think ss are saying that the only way to keep us safe is to not live together.
My life is just such a mess at mo.
I feel brave one minute and think I can do this and leave before he hurts me anymore and then I remember everything he has told me and I think I can’t do this x
30th December 2015 at 9:23 pm #6826KIP.Participant
Don’t believe anything he has ever told you. It’s all mind games to ruin your self confidence and make you stay. Trauma bonding too. Worrying about what will happen if your leave. These thoughts kept me with my abuser for years. It sounds like you have good support in place. Please take it. If it makes it easier, tell yourself it’s a trial separation x it’s fear that make us stay x you deserve better x
30th December 2015 at 9:27 pm #6827Falling SkysParticipant
KIPs right they suck any belief in yourself that you have. I stayed for decades because I was to scared to leave xx
30th December 2015 at 11:26 pm #6832White RoseParticipant
Hi Moon. No idea what legal planning entails but womens aid will give you loads of information on what to do and how to plan to leave.
A free session with a solicitor with experience in DA would help too (they’ll do 30mins free) local DA group nay have names.
If social services or police are involved they’ll help too with your and your childs safety. Use all the resources you can.
Take a note book wherever you go but keep it safe from prying eyes.
If you’re ready to leave don’t be out off by the huge hurdle it feels. The other side can be tough too but it’s worth the effort believe me xxxx
31st December 2015 at 12:17 am #6834DaisyParticipant
Take a look at the family rights website, there should be advice leaflets there for you too.
Moon, seems things are getting quite serious there for you,
Please put yourself and your daughter first now
Remember you have tried hard to make things work for you all but your efforts aren’t being matched, otherwise he would have left before putting you through this and got himself on a course
You need to take that “leap of faith” before you are pushed and before it is too late,
Please don’t feel I am being hard on you moon, I’m not,
On the old forum as I said before there was some heartbreaking posts from ladies who were faced with similar, you have to be seen to be doing all you can to protect yourself and your child,
We all want you to be safe,
Take the help out there for you,
X x x
31st December 2015 at 8:47 am #6844LisaMain Moderator
I am worried by the fact that you feel you might be at risk due to your situation. Please try and find a safe time to phone the helpline. They can help you with a risk assessment and some safety planning. They will also be able to talk to you about refuge and other options to help you to change your situation. If you aren’t already in touch with your local Women’s Aid group then please try and get in touch with them too. You and your daughter deserve so much to be safe and there is help out there for you.
31st December 2015 at 9:00 am #6845Midnight MarblesParticipant
I am late forties now and have suffered domestic abuse since I was a teenager with the same man, nobody helped me, I didn’t tell anyone but people saw lots of his aggressive and verbal abuse and knew about the financial abuse. I was terrified of him and have been treated for major anxiety for years, with what I thought there was no reason for.
In the last couple of months I have realised with the help of a counsellor and these amazing ladies, its not me wanting far to much from a relationship, but him being abusive. I am so sad and angry I’ve wasted years on him.
I tell you this because I care for you and don’t want the same for you, and your abuse is so much worse. If I could write a letter to my younger self I would say “run run run, stop worrying about anybodys feelings and just walk out, even if it’s just with the clothes on your back and your child in your arms, go!!! The rest will sort itself out. This will never get any better ever and you will come back to this time and time again”
I so wish someone had taken me to one side and said, this is really bad treatment, you are so right to get out, leave him I’ll help you.
So sorry Moon, this is so hard for you but I really feel your in such danger now and in the future.
I really hope this doesn’t upset you. I really don’t want too but maybe that’s what others thought about me.
Stay safe as you can
31st December 2015 at 9:38 pm #6862
Midnight you have not upset me and daisy you are not being hard.
Maybe I need to hear some harsh facts and truth.
I think in reality I just want someone to pick us up and take us somewhere safe but without the middle bit!
I don’t feel like I have a right to have your support or to moan about my life because at the end of the day it’s my choice that I’m still here at the mo.
Just got this horrible knot in my stomach at the mo that is almost freezing everything I’m trying to think of and do as I feel like he is gonna b**w real soon.
I have looked at website that you suggested Daisy thank you I’m trying to keep strong and digest all this recent information.
He will be home in a few hours and I’ve made sure that everything is tidied and sorted at home so there is nothing that I can see that I have done wrong but it depends how his shift has been. It’s things like this that do make me think …..what am I doing !!!
3rd January 2016 at 5:33 pm #7063MarthamooParticipant
Your situation sounds very similar to mine and a lot of other women’s on this forum. Your post has struck a cord with me as I too remember rushing around the house like a crazy thing, making sure everything was in order before his return. The unbearable knot in my stomach worrying about whether he would find fault or start an argument over nothing. It is a terrible place to be. All I can say is that there is hope.
I struggled for a long long time weighing up my options, worrying over every minute detail. I must have run every possible scenario through my head of what may or may not happen. I can remember taking those first steps in breaking free and how terrifying that was. Picking up the phone to make an appointment with a solicitor, looking and viewing houses without him knowing etc. All these things froze me with fear but I pushed myself to do it and told myself that it was only one small step and that nothing had to change until I was ready. I was simply exploring my options. With every small step you take you will gain a bit more strength and a bit more confidence. It is a process and it is a very hard one and sometimes it seems impossible but it isn’t with the right help. Try not think too much about his feelings and what you think you are losing. You have so much to gain. I know it doesn’t feel like that at the moment and you will be so overwhelmed with everything but you will get there. My only advice is that if you can go no contact then please do so.
I found the strength to leave. Got set up in a new home etc but still had regular contact with my ex. As the months have passed he has slowly drawn me back in, and whilst I still have my own home I find myself living in my old marital home and wondering how I am going to break free yet again. I am going to have to take the very hard and frightening step of having no contact, at least for a while, but I know it is the only way I will ever be able to break free from him.
Take care and strength to you x*x
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