Let down by support services

[Newbeginnings1234]

Hi,
I wasn’t sure whether to post this or not, but I wanted to see if anyone else has had a similar experience and whether it’s worth making a complaint or whether I should just forget about it. I left my Husband earlier this year and the way I’ve been treated by different support services has made the whole experience so much worse. When I called Women’s Aid when I was planning to leave they were really supportive (and have been since), but I then went to a safe house (which I had to pay £900 for) where I barely received any support (I saw a support worker twice the whole time I was there). One member of staff made comments about me behind my back to a woman I was living in the safe house with and another one repeatedly shouted at me, told me I was stupid, and forced me to call different people even though I told her that I didn’t want to because it would make my Husband angry (which it did). When I moved into my own flat I was told I had been referred to another support service, but I hadn’t so I had to refer myself. The only support I received from them was an IDVA, who was really helpful, but after speaking to her 4 times she closed my case without telling me why. After a month, my Husband hired a solicitor and was threatening to take me to court and take most of my savings, so I called the support service again, but they said that now the abuse is historic and there’s no immediate risk so unless he hurts me again they can’t do anything (even though I called them 3 times in tears telling them how scared I am that he’s going to kill me). It seems like there’s loads of support before you leave, but then once you do there’s nobody there to help, and unless you’re on benefits or have kids nobody cares. I’m now at the point where if he did find me and hurt me again, I don’t think I would even tell anyone because it just makes everything worse.

[Lisa]

Hi Newbeginnings1234

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear you are not getting the support you need at the moment. In regards to the refuge, you would be within your rights to make a complaint if you feel you were treated badly by staff and were unsupported there.

I understand your ex now continues to abuse you through the legal system which is very hard to deal with, you could try contacting Rights of Women or CAB for free legal advice in regards to this. You could also look into The Freedom Programme in your area and double check if your local service offers a local support group.

I am glad you have found this forum as this is a place you can now get support for however you are feeling whenever you need it.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Newbeginnings1234]

Thanks, unfortunately the Freedom programme isn’t available in my area, so I’m going to do it online instead. Today I’ve been let down by even more people who are supposed to help. A few weeks ago I asked the police to refer me to an ISVA, but today I got a call from the police saying they’re closing my case because there isn’t enough evidence. I then got a call from an ISVA, who said that they can’t offer any support if the police have closed my case and to call rape crisis instead. When I called them, they said the waiting list for support is over a year long and they can’t put me on the waiting list because it hasn’t been 6 months since I left my husband (domestic abuse services are saying the opposite, that it’s been too long since I left so they can’t do anything). It just feels like nobody understands and nobody cares. All I see are comments from other people about how amazing support services are and it makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong and don’t deserve any support 🙁

[KIP.]

You absolutely do deserve support. i know how you feel about the lack of support once you’re out. Try to look for local charities. I found the third sector was far better. Speak to your GP. Keep asking and researching. Look for local support groups. Ask for a police marker on your home, speak to victims support about local charities. Some will pay for alarms etc.

[Newbeginnings1234]

Thank you, I’ve signed up for a support group, but it doesn’t start until next year. I’ve contacted every charity in my area (there aren’t very many) but none of them can help. I’ve also been told about alarms as I’ve been referred to MARAC twice, but they said that they would only install them if my Husband finds out where I live because other people need them more than me. Hopefully the support group will be helpful though and maybe I’ll talk to my GP if things get worse.

[Logcabin]

Hello
I am sorry to hear you have felt let down by Services. Despite different circumstances I too had similar experience of being supported for first month at the very beginning of this journey & then was not assessed as being high risk to need the support of an IDVA. This coincided with the start of my legal battle for finances & childcare & at times I felt very overwhelmed & unsupported. We all have different circumstances & sources of support to draw on, personally I have no family & my manipulative ex had done a good job of isolating me or manipulating our shared friends before his assault on me. I have never felt so alone or isolated in all my life.
How I managed to get through this was by phoning the Womens Aid helpline when I needed & I was persistent in asking for more support. I appreciate services are under funded & stretched but I kept asking for help. It wasn’t easy but eventually I was allocated a support worker who I can see on a drop in basis. Maybe you can ask for something similar? Over this time I spoke with my GP who was helpful & reassuring. I now have started therapy to try & process & heal myself.

Take each minute, hour, day at a time. Be kind to yourself & keep asking for more support.

I wish you well in your journey.

Take care

[Newbeginnings1234]

Thanks Logcabin, I’ve called the only 2 support services in my area and Women’s aid so many times, but the support services just tell me that because I’m not high risk anymore that they can’t offer me any support at all (even though my answers to the risk assessment haven’t changed at all since I left). I got so fed up with the constant cycle of different services getting my hopes up that they would help me, then feeling so depressed and alone when they either didn’t call me back when they said they would or told me that they couldn’t help that I stopped trying. One service did tell me that they would allocate me a support worker and someone would contact me to arrange it, but then they called me back and said that I couldn’t have a support worker and they were closing my case. All Women’s aid can do is give me numbers for support services which are hours away so can’t help me. I don’t really like calling the helpline anymore because I get the impression that they feel like I’m wasting their time and other people need their help more than I do. I don’t have a lot of support from friends or family either and I don’t know anyone in the area I live in, so I’ve accepted now that I’m just going to have to learn to deal with it without any support (although I am seeing a counsellor).

[Author]

Posts